Peach Hues Meet Spring

I asked Concubine Lian, “Yiniang, what’s the difference between a eunuch and an ordinary man?”

Translator’s note: Yiniang is how children address a father’s concubine. Here, Concubine Lian is also the narrator’s own mother.

Concubine Lian stammered. “It’s that… they can’t have children…”

But my eyes lit up. Couldn’t have children?

There was actually something this wonderful!

I happily married that eunuch.

01

When I was sixteen, a small sedan chair carried me into the residence outside the palace belonging to the young eunuch Jiang Debao.

Jiang Debao was the adopted son of the powerful senior eunuch Wei Jin. Wei Jin’s influence reached the heavens, while my magistrate father, greedy for money and women, was in urgent need of a thick thigh to hug, because a superior was coming to audit the accounts and he feared his embezzlement would be exposed.

When they heard that Wei Jin was finding a wife for his adopted son, my four or five half-sisters born to concubines, older and younger, who usually dressed as brightly as flowers, all shut their doors, terrified they would be the unlucky one chosen.

After thinking it over carefully, I went to my scumbag father myself and agreed to the marriage. My only condition was that he release Concubine Lian.

Concubine Lian was my birth mother. Sooner or later, I would have to marry. If she didn’t escape this household, the mistress of the house would soon torment her to death.

Before the wedding, I asked Concubine Lian, “Yiniang, what’s the difference between a eunuch and an ordinary man?”

“It’s that… they can’t have children…” Concubine Lian stammered for a long time without explaining much. In the end, she merely held my hand and cried, saying that it was all because she was a useless mother who’d dragged me down.

But my eyes lit up. Couldn’t have children!

There was actually something this wonderful!

The year before last, my scumbag father had taken a concubine only a year older than me. She loved talking and laughing and was full of energy. We often went to the back courtyard together to catch crickets and fly kites. Only when her belly gradually grew did she settle down.

Her little face, usually all laughter, filled with anxiety and worry. Twisting her handkerchief uneasily, she asked me, “Taotao, I heard giving birth is like passing through the gates of death. Do you think I’ll be able to have this baby safely?”

“Nothing will happen…” I could only reassure her over and over.

The night she gave birth, cries of pain filled the entire courtyard. Concubine Lian anxiously turned the Buddhist beads in her hand, muttering prayers for safety.

I sneaked outside her room and saw the midwife hurrying in with scissors boiled in water and white cloth, then carrying out basin after basin of bloody water.

The dark red water was poured into the gutter nearby. Mixed with mud and dead leaves, it looked sinister and glaring.

People kept me outside. I could only hear her cries growing weaker.

In the end, neither she nor the child survived.

After returning to my room, I slept in a daze for two days. Nightmare after nightmare played through my mind, all of them filled with the red of blood.

I thought that if I didn’t have children, I might live a little longer. So I no longer resisted this marriage. I even felt a faint anticipation.

Before leaving to marry, I held Concubine Lian’s scar-covered hands. “Yiniang, don’t stay up all night doing embroidery anymore. Go far away with Dashan-shu. Don’t come back!”

Translator’s note: Shu means “uncle,” so Dashan-shu is “Uncle Dashan.”

Concubine Lian stared at me. A trace of resolve appeared on her usually submissive face, and she nodded solemnly.

02

The person who lifted my bridal veil was a young man of about seventeen or eighteen, with delicate, fair skin and handsome, refined features.

The man I’d married was even better-looking than me…

My heart stirred. My face warmed a little, and I secretly felt pleased.

He looked me up and down several times, but his brows drew together slightly.

“Why are you so little?”

I hastily protested, “I’m not little! I’ve already turned sixteen.”

He scoffed. “With that tiny frame, you look thirteen or fourteen at most. Eat more from now on. You know my circumstances, and I know yours. We know each other’s background, at least. Though marrying me wrongs you, still…”

“It doesn’t! It doesn’t!” I hurried to make my position clear.

He said impatiently, “Don’t interrupt! I can leave the palace once a month. Just look after the house. Apart from the box at the bottom of the cabinet, which you mustn’t touch, you can use anything you like. All right, I’m finished. Do you have any requests?”

Ah, we could make requests of each other, too.

I said shyly, “I hope you’ll be good to me. The kind where it’s just the two of us, for a whole lifetime.”

“Hahahaha…” He burst out laughing, almost to the point of tears. “You really don’t understand anything, do you?”

“I’m a eunuch. A eunuch without the root for descendants!” He made a fierce cutting gesture. “I’m used to living alone. I won’t be putting any thought into women. If my adoptive father hadn’t got drunk at his big birthday celebration and insisted on finding every one of his adopted sons a wife, and if your father hadn’t wanted something, I wouldn’t have held up your life.”

He paid me no further attention. Having finished, he crumpled the veil in his hand and tossed it aside. “Go to sleep. I’ll make do in the main room tonight.”

I tugged his sleeve. “We’re not sleeping together?”

He snapped irritably, “It’s not as if I can do anything. Sleeping together would just make me uncomfortable. Besides, who knows whether you snore or grind your teeth and keep me awake?”

I neither snored nor ground my teeth, but I didn’t feel like explaining. If I was to sleep alone, then alone it was. This bed was big and spacious. It looked very comfortable.

I was tired, too, and soon drifted into dreams.

When I got up the next day, Jiang Debao was already waiting in the main room. He pointed to a few small pieces of silver on the table. “Use this for now. We’ll talk again when I come back next month.”

After hesitating for a moment, I still spoke up. “One tael of silver only buys half a shi of rice, and pork costs thirty wen a jin. With three taels a month, there won’t even be enough for one extra skewer of candied hawthorn…”

He probably hadn’t expected me to object. Irritably, he said, “Rice is cheaper on East Street, and meat is only twenty wen. You can walk there to buy it. It’s only a shichen’s walk.”

Translator’s note: A tael is a unit of silver by weight, wen are copper coins, shi and jin measure grain and weight. A shichen is about two hours.

“Xiang-gong…” I had to remind him. “You told me just last night to eat more.”

Translator’s note: Xiang-gong and fujun are both ways of addressing one’s husband.

Hearing me call him that, Jiang Debao stiffened for an instant, then jumped as though bitten by a venomous snake. “Don’t call me that! It’s so mushy I could die!”

“Then… fujun?”

“…Whatever. Call me whatever you like.” He scratched his head. Only after a long while did he say, as though it pained him, “Another fifty wen. Not a single coin more.”

At the door, he looked back with a wicked smile. “Eat too much sugar and watch out for toothache.”

03

From this brief encounter, I discovered that Jiang Debao possessed every fault commonly found in eunuchs: insecurity, suspicion, and greed.

Fortunately, fortunately, he wasn’t lustful or violent, neatly sidestepping my minefields. I decided to make a good life of it. He might not like me much now, but I believed I’d win his heart sooner or later.

In my scumbag father’s rear courtyard, an unfavored concubine’s daughter had to do everything. I exchanged embroidery for a bundle of vegetable seedlings and planted them in tidy rows in the courtyard. I also built a little chicken coop in a corner and bought more than a dozen chicks to raise.

Finally, I took in a stray dog with a lame leg.

When Jiang Debao came back a month later and saw the transformed house, now so much livelier, he was practically stunned.

I hurriedly caught the dog, who was baring his teeth and barking at Jiang Debao. “Dahuang, stop barking! This is my xiang-gong. He’s your master, too!”

The displeasure on Jiang Debao’s face froze. In the end, he could only make a barbed remark in an odd tone. “Chickens flying and dogs jumping all over the courtyard. You’re certainly making a comfortable little life for yourself!”

I grinned at him. “It’s not my little life. It’s our little life.”

I pulled him into the main room. “I knew today was your day to leave the palace, so I made the food early. I stewed this chicken soup all morning. Have a sip first?”

He picked up the bowl and took a sip, then said noncommittally, “My eyes have really been opened today. A magistrate’s daughter who can do so many things.”

“There are lots more things I can do!” Proudly, I handed him a pair of knee warmers, with intricate embroidery and close, neat stitches.

He took them in puzzlement. “These are… for me?”

“Last time, I saw you rubbing your legs all the time. Working in the palace, you need your legs and feet in good condition.” I turned the knee warmers over. Inside each one, I’d embroidered a lifelike peach blossom. “Whenever you see this, xiang-gong, you’ll think of me and come home early.”

“Home…” He repeated the word, his expression unreadable. Finally, he muttered awkwardly, “Who’d be so full and bored that they’d open up a pair of knee warmers to look inside?”

That night, he still slept in the outer room.

The house wasn’t soundproof. I heard him tossing and turning on the chair, unable to fall asleep until very late.

When it was time for Jiang Debao to leave, he hesitated in the doorway for a long while. Finally, he untied the money pouch at his waist and said with a stern face, “Life isn’t easy for me in the palace, either. Be frugal with it.”

As soon as he left, I hurried to count the money. There were ten taels of broken silver inside. I happily put it away.

Soon, Jiang Debao had someone bring me a return gift.

Four little date-paste pastries wrapped in oiled paper, with a note tucked inside.

In crooked handwriting, it said, “A palace consort rewarded me with these. I don’t like sweets. It’d be a shame if they spoiled.”

I burst out laughing. I didn’t even need to guess to picture how he’d pressed his lips into a straight line and reluctantly written those words, unwilling to let me imagine he cared too much.

The date-paste cakes were already a little dry. But eating them in tiny bites, I still tasted a rich sweetness.

04

Jiang Debao was merely a little awkward by nature and fairly easy to get along with. But not every woman who married a eunuch lived smoothly.

At the end of the lane stood a larger, grander residence. Its owner was also a eunuch, skilled in martial arts and with plenty of face in front of Wei Jin. He, too, had married. His wife was the daughter of a cloth shop owner, timid and shy, never daring to look anyone directly in the eye.

This eunuch had the same days off as Jiang Debao. Whenever he came home, his young wife’s cries of pain echoed through the lane.

I wrapped the quilt tightly around myself, but I could still hear those piercing cries.

“Xiang-gong, shall we go and look?”

Jiang Debao said coldly, “Don’t meddle.”

“But…”

“I can’t afford to provoke him.” He sighed, lay down beside me fully clothed, and covered my ears with his hands. “Don’t be afraid. You can’t hear it like this, can you?”

My back rested against a warm chest carrying a faint, cool fragrance, both strange and familiar.

Instinctively, I turned my head and saw his slightly reddened ears and bright eyes.

Awkwardly, he snapped, “What are you looking at? Turn around!”

My heart pounded. My cheeks burned for no reason. I turned back and didn’t dare move. His hands were trembling slightly, too. He wasn’t as calm as he appeared.

We slept all night in that strange position.

Unable to endure the torment, the young wife escaped while the eunuch was back at the palace.

Bruised and battered, she came cautiously to knock at my door. I asked nothing and gave her all the housekeeping money I had left.

In a world where eunuchs manipulated power, I heard that she was caught in the end. But I never saw her again.

I didn’t dare think about her fate, and I didn’t want to.

Jiang Debao was cautious and didn’t want trouble. But there were some people we couldn’t avoid.

Because of the money I’d lent his wife, the eunuch held a grudge against me.

Drunk, his eyes bloodshot, he kicked open our door.

“So you’re the wife Jiang Debao took? Not bad-looking. You dared encourage that bitch to run away? Then today you can take her place!”

His stinking mouth came nuzzling toward my face.

Dahuang bit hard into his leg, tearing away a piece of flesh. In pain, the eunuch struck him with his palm.

Dahuang fell to the ground, looking at me with wet eyes. Even when he died, he didn’t close them.

Jiang Debao, who’d been weeding behind the house, ran in and stared blankly at the scene.

The eunuch wasn’t afraid. Instead, he laughed crazily. “Little Bao, you’re just in time. Be good and sit to the side. I’ll show you how a woman should be handled!”

Jiang Debao’s face turned icy. He rushed forward and dragged him away. The eunuch’s fists rained down on him, but he gritted his teeth and never let go.

He only called to me through a mouthful of blood. “Go… quickly!”

Hardening my heart, I caught the eunuch off guard, pulled out my hairpin, and stabbed the back of his head, again and again.

Soon, the eunuch stopped breathing.

Seeing that things had reached this point, Jiang Debao endured his pain, found a dagger, and stabbed the eunuch’s fatal wound several more times.

Then he held me tightly as I trembled.

Gently, he comforted me. “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid… Remember, I killed him!”

We buried the eunuch secretly in the hills behind the house. But paper can’t wrap up fire. In the end, Jiang Debao was arrested and taken to prison.

When he was put in shackles and taken away, he looked back at me with a complicated expression. Finally, he averted his gaze and silently mouthed a single word: “Go.”

05

I didn’t go.

I took the house deed Jiang Debao had previously entrusted to me and brought out the hundred-odd taels of silver I’d brought from my father’s home. Then I tried every means I could think of to go and beg Wei Jin’s wife.

In a bright, luxurious room, a richly dressed middle-aged woman stood at the window, teasing a lark that sang sweetly in its cage.

Her still-charming face wore a half-smile. “This is the first time I’ve seen a woman plead for a eunuch. If Little Bao really died, wouldn’t you be free?”

I shook my head. “My xiang-gong treats me very well. I can’t fail him.”

“You really are too young. Talking of feelings with a eunuch?” Madam Wei laughed, her laughter thick with mockery. “I don’t care about that pittance of yours. I only want to see how far the two of you will go. Whether one day you’ll regret what you’re doing today…”

Madam Wei kept her word. On the third day, Jiang Debao was sent home.

His already thin body was covered in wounds. There wasn’t a single patch of uninjured skin.

I heated water and carefully wiped the blood and grime from him, my heart aching terribly.

After applying medicine to his upper body, I reached to undo his belt.

Jiang Debao’s face flushed at once. Awkwardly pulling his outer robe tightly around himself, he said hoarsely, “It’s ugly. Don’t look.”

I stared, unaware that my eyes were already full of tears.

“It doesn’t hurt. You… don’t cry.” Cautiously, he reached out. His rough fingertip brushed the corner of my eye.

My tears wet his finger.

“Xiang-gong.” I covered his hand with mine and said solemnly, “I’ll nurse you back to health. I promise!”

He smiled shyly. His cold fingers touched the warm, delicate skin of my face, and he said softly, “Taotao, remember what you said today…”

“When I told you to leave, you wouldn’t. From now on, you won’t be able to leave again.”

A love nourished in the darkness broke through the earth and sprouted. Now that it had been accepted by the other person, there could be no stopping until death.

Wei Jin had already discarded Jiang Debao. He didn’t return to the palace.

Gradually, the neighbors learned that the eunuch living here had lost his influence. People already resentful of the authorities finally found someone on whom to vent.

Every day, before Jiang Debao woke, I had to clean up the rotten eggs and vegetable leaves people had thrown into the courtyard. When I went out to buy things, gossiping women cursed me behind my back for being cheap, never mind the brazen looks from certain men.

Jiang Debao was still recovering indoors. I couldn’t let him know any of this. So I always forced out a smile as though nothing had happened when I went to change his dressings.

But he slowly noticed anyway. His temperament grew gloomy, and his gaze became colder by the day. Only when he looked at me did a little gentleness return.

Later, people stopped throwing rubbish into the courtyard. I was happy for several days, only to discover that they’d found a new trick.

I was sleeping drowsily when Jiang Debao shook me hard. “Taotao, wake up!”

Someone had deliberately set fire to the house.

Perhaps they’d only intended to frighten us at first. But in such dry weather, a single spark could cause a disaster.

The flames grew higher and higher. Wood cracked and burned through, falling down around us. Jiang Debao shielded my head with his hand. Limping and supporting each other, we escaped.

The deed, the silver, the box at the bottom of the cabinet…

We hadn’t managed to bring out anything.

The other things were one matter. But what he’d treasured in that box had once been a part of his body.

Jiang Debao had once said that, as a eunuch, he would have no one to burn paper offerings for him after he died. If that part was buried with him, at least he could be a whole person in his next life.

Now he stared blankly at the flames. I kept feeling that at any moment, he’d start to cry.

He’d had nothing to hope for in this life, and now even his hope for the next had been cut off.

I gripped his hand tightly. “Xiang-gong, you still have me!”

Our hair was disheveled and our faces covered in soot. We looked like wandering ghosts on the Naihe Bridge.

He looked at me, raised his long-fingered, sharply jointed hand, and gently rubbed my hair. Then he held me in his arms and laughed softly.

“Yes, Taotao. I still have you…” he murmured.

06

We found a ruined temple for temporary shelter.

I pawned the only valuable thing on me, a jeweled hairpin, for medicine and food.

Chewing a steamed bun as I changed his dressings, I said, “Xiang-gong, you used to live in fear in the palace. Now you can shake off that identity, which is a good thing. I can do lots of things. I’ll make sure you have a good life.”

“Silly girl. That’s what a man should say.”

He lifted his lashes. His dark eyes were full of coldness, without their former gentleness. “Taotao, though I don’t count as a real man, I can’t let people bully and humiliate you however they please anymore.”

We rested against a mottled wall.

The soft sunset spilled through the ruined temple roof onto the ground. His face seemed to glow peacefully, too, but faint dark shadows still marked his eyes. He hadn’t slept well for a long time, either.

It was only when I happened to wake once that I’d discovered he was getting up secretly in the middle of the night to clean the rubbish from the courtyard, so I could sleep a little longer.

He’d said nothing. But he remembered every kindness I’d shown him.

Looking at his sleeping face, I smiled sweetly. I remembered every kindness he’d shown me, too.

Later, he sought out the Third Prince.

Only two princes had the strength to contend for the succession: the weak-willed First Prince, who had powerful backing, and the capable, shrewd Third Prince, whose maternal background was less distinguished.

Wei Jin had secretly sided with the First Prince, so Jiang Debao chose the Third Prince. The things Wei Jin had ordered him to do, the people he’d dealt with—though none of it was highly confidential, it still became his pledge of allegiance.

The Third Prince needed people. Naturally, he didn’t refuse.

Under the Third Prince’s arrangements, Jiang Debao found an opportunity to plead with his adoptive father and return to the palace. Outwardly, he remained Wei Jin’s man. Secretly, he passed information to the Third Prince.

Seeing my worry, he traced the edge of my earlobe with his cold fingertip, neither lightly nor firmly, with a touch of intimacy. “It’s very dangerous. But at least, Taotao, you won’t have to worry about food or clothing.”

One day, Jiang Debao came home a little late, carrying a faint smell of wine.

“I had a little to drink with my colleagues. Here, walnut pastries I bought for you.” He’d probably had more than a little. He raised the parcel of pastries as though presenting a treasure.

I happily took them. I’d only had one small bite when he suddenly leaned close and ate the rest of the walnut pastry in my hand, bite by bite, until… he was staring straight at me.

When our lips touched, a tingling sensation seemed to spread along my spine. I even felt a little dizzy.

Hesitantly, I asked, “Xiang-gong, do you… do you still feel desire?”

Jiang Debao naturally understood what I meant. Frankly, he said, “Yes.”

He immediately proved it through his actions.

Our breath mingled because we were so close. He drew a deep breath and looked at me like a taotie that had eaten and drunk its fill, unable to restrain himself yet deeply ashamed.

“But Taotao, I’m sorry. This is as far as I can go.”

My heart ached, and I felt shy at the same time. I quickly wrapped both arms around his neck.

“Xiang-gong, it’s enough.”

07

Two years later, the struggle came to an end. The Third Prince ascended to the highest position.

Seeing that all was lost, Wei Jin had no choice but to take poison and end his life. Before dying, he also forced Madam Wei to hang herself.

Jiang Debao was appointed a head eunuch. Then, when remnants of the First Prince’s faction attempted an assassination, he risked his life to save the new emperor. He became a rising favorite in the palace, took over Wei Jin’s position, and commanded all the palace eunuchs.

His power grew greater and greater. We moved into a more luxurious residence, and gold, silver, and jewels filled a room.

But I didn’t feel happier. I only felt a faint unease.

At midday, I was reading beneath the covered walkway when I suddenly felt a cool touch at my neck. A long arm slipped around my waist. “Reading again, Taotao? What is it?”

My lips moved several times before I finally stammered, “The Biographies of Imperial Favorites…”

The word “astonished” no longer sufficed to describe Jiang Debao’s expression.

“I want to see how they rose to power, what they relied on most, why the emperors made use of them, and why they met such tragic ends.”

Mustering my courage, I simply said everything at once. “I want to know what I could do, if I were in their place, to meet a good end!”

Jiang Debao looked at me thoughtfully. The walkway was very quiet, with only the occasional tinkling of the beaded curtain in the wind.

“It’s true that I’m already caught in the whirlpool. Whether I live or die is no longer up to me… But I’m not a sycophantic favorite. And the new emperor won’t let me become one. The only thing I can guarantee is that Taotao will be the one who meets a good end.”

No. You’re the person I want to live well, I thought.

But in the end, I merely sighed softly and said nothing.

Jiang Debao restrained himself and stopped accepting gifts.

Still, someone racked their brains for a long time. Hearing that Chief Eunuch Jiang doted on a wife, they assumed he had a taste for women and sent two beauties to our residence.

Looking at those lovely women, thinly dressed on a snowy day yet still forcing out smiles, I asked angrily, “Now that the expensive gifts have turned into beauties, is the great Chief Eunuch Jiang still accepting them?”

Smiling, he sent them away, held me in his arms, and whispered in my ear, “Why be angry, Taotao? There’s only you in my heart.”

But perhaps precisely because there was only me in his heart, he wanted more and more.

While browsing at the market, I accidentally lost my purse.

“Does this purse belong to you, miss?”

A young scholar held my purse and smiled at me. “May I ask your name…?”

“Asking another man’s wife for her private name? Did dogs eat all the books of sages you’ve read?”

A voice sounded abruptly. I turned and saw Jiang Debao beneath a tree a few paces away, staring at us darkly, his face cold.

Without a word, he suppressed his anger and took me home.

“Taotao, that man just now, wasn’t he a dog all dressed up to look human?”

He bowed his head to look at me. His cold fingers traced the line of my jaw. He didn’t use force, but I had no choice but to look straight at him.

I rested my face against his hand and soothed him over and over. Only then did he slowly calm down.

“Taotao, don’t get close to other men. Don’t talk to them, either. If you really meet a man you like, at least… at least wait until I’m dead before you go to him, all right?” He looked at me pleadingly.

I shook my head. “Xiang-gong, I won’t find anyone else. I’ll only be with you for the rest of my life.”

Hearing that, he held me tightly, his face full of satisfaction, as though he wanted to embed me in his own body.

He also assigned extra people to surround me day and night. Wherever I went, several followed my every step.

I didn’t like the feeling of being watched. After a few days, Jiang Debao noticed my low spirits, restrained himself a little, and withdrew them.

But on nights when he wasn’t on duty, he’d always hurry home and sleep pressed tightly against me. Once, I woke thirsty in the middle of the night and got up to pour water. When I turned around, he’d sat up and was watching me like a child.

Helplessly, I held him and lay back down. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll only be with you.”

08

Sometimes, I thought how wonderful it would be to have a child who looked like both Jiang Debao and me. Perhaps his constant fear of loss would lessen, too.

Yes. Because he’d given me endless courage, I was no longer afraid of childbirth. Unfortunately, a couple like us could never have a child of our own.

When I went to Mingjue Temple to offer incense, I bumped into a frail little girl. She fell onto the ground but didn’t cry. Instead, she climbed up and asked me anxiously, “Jiejie, does it hurt? Little Peach Blossom will blow on it for you.”

Translator’s note: Jiejie means “older sister.” Later, the child uses diedie, “Daddy,” and niangqin, “Mother.”

The abbot said the child was an abandoned baby the temple had taken in. Because she’d been born in the third month, when peach blossoms fluttered through the air, they’d named her Little Peach Blossom.

I was Taotao, and she was Peach Blossom. We really had a connection.

I liked her the moment I saw her. So, after obtaining the abbot’s agreement, I brought her home.

Jiang Debao frowned. “If you want a child, there are plenty of dignitaries eager to give us their sons and daughters born to concubines. Clever, lively, sturdy—you could have whichever sort you liked. Why did you have to pick up one like…” Looking at the little girl, frail as a kitten, he swallowed the rest.

At a little over four years old, she already knew how to read people’s expressions. Timidly, Little Peach Blossom asked me, “Jiejie, does the master not like me?”

I smiled and patted her hand. “He’s not ‘the master.’ From now on, call him Diedie. I’m not Jiejie, either. From now on, call me Niangqin. Little Peach Blossom is so adorable. Who wouldn’t like her?”

Then I tugged the hem of the big one’s clothes to soothe him, too. “Xiang-gong, you used to complain that I was too skinny and little as well.”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “If you like her, let her stay.”

He regretted it very quickly.

That night, Little Peach Blossom came over pitifully clutching a small pillow, wanting to sleep with me.

Jiang Debao held me tightly and refused to let go. Only after I’d coaxed him gently for a while did he scratch his head in irritation. “Children are so annoying. Send her away tomorrow. Send her away.”

That night, Little Peach Blossom slept soundly in my arms, even giving tiny snores. Chief Eunuch Jiang curled up at the foot of the bed and passed an aggrieved night.

When he left, Little Peach Blossom hadn’t even opened her eyes. Drowsily, she murmured, “Diedie, come home early.”

Jiang Debao froze. Only after a long while did he answer, “Oh.” His lips curved almost imperceptibly, and he never mentioned sending her away again.

Little Peach Blossom had astonishing social skills. If she wasn’t clinging to me, she was clinging to Jiang Debao. The two soon grew close.

Jiang Debao even went out of his way to find all kinds of unusual toys, declaring proudly that whatever other people’s daughters had, his daughter would have, too.

My scumbag father had never taken part in our upbringing, much less played with us.

So, watching Jiang Debao carry Little Peach Blossom on his shoulders to pick flowers, I thought he truly was the best husband and the best father under heaven.

09

There had always been many voices at court opposing the concentration of power in eunuchs’ hands. Every time officials attacked him, Jiang Debao had come through with a fright but no real harm.

So, in this moment of family happiness, no one imagined the day of parting would arrive so soon.

The snow fell heavily that day. Jiang Debao walked home alone across the whiteness, his steps sinking unevenly.

I was waiting at the door. At the sight, my heart gave a jolt, and an ominous feeling rose.

I hurried forward to hold an umbrella over him and brush the snow off his shoulders. “Xiang-gong, why are you alone? Why didn’t you take a carriage?”

He took the umbrella and said lightly, “The snow was heavy. I couldn’t find a carriage, and I wanted to come back and see you sooner.”

He was especially different that night. Whatever I said or did, he only smiled at me, as though he couldn’t look enough.

He had someone take Little Peach Blossom away. After a long while, he slowly began to speak.

“His Majesty granted me one last dignity. He allowed me to see you one final time.”

As he spoke, black blood began flowing from the corner of his mouth.

“Xiang-gong!” I stared at him in disbelief.

“This is what His Majesty promised me long ago. He would raise me to the position of chief eunuch, let me take over Wei Jin’s influence, uncover everything behind it, and then return it all to him, completely.”

“In exchange, he would spare you.”

“After court today, he suddenly said the time had come. Really too much ah. He wouldn’t even leave me one extra day. I’d thought I could still make a few more plans for you and Little Peach Blossom.”

Jiang Debao smiled bitterly. “Taotao, I only have one shichen left. Will you stay with me?”

Holding back my tears, I helped him slowly sit beneath the peach tree.

“People will come to confiscate this place soon. You can’t trust everything the emperor says. I’ve left silver for you at an underground bank. You and Little Peach Blossom must go far away from the capital. Don’t let him remember you again.”

“Taotao, if there’s another life…”

I was already sobbing too hard to speak clearly. “If there’s another life, I’ll still be with you!”

“Taotao, if I’m still…”

“Xiang-gong, I don’t care. I only want you. As long as it’s you…”

He smiled. “I should have died in prison that year. Being able to spend these years with you was already good fortune.”

“My Taotao, you must live well…”

Those cold hands tried once more to reach up and touch my forehead, but fell halfway.

Then he gently closed his eyes and grew cold, little by little, in my arms.

A bone-deep chill seeped from his body through mine.

Jiang Debao was gone.

He was dead.

As I realized this, it felt as though a hole had opened in my chest. There was no heart-rending pain. Only cold, a cold that froze every organ inside me.

Boundless emptiness spread through my heart. I seemed to be floating toward the sky on a pitch-black cloud.

I fainted.

10

Little Peach Blossom shook me awake, crying.

I forced myself to attend to the funeral arrangements, wiped Jiang Debao’s body clean, and dressed him in new clothes.

He’d never been willing to take off those knee warmers with peach blossoms embroidered inside. I’d mended the worn fabric and replaced their cotton filling several times. Now, lying quietly beside him in the coffin, they had finally fulfilled their last duty.

Little Peach Blossom and I accompanied his coffin for seven days to the southern city that was his hometown.

It was a little city veiled year-round in drifting mist and rain. The feuds and killings of the imperial court seemed as distant as an unreal dream.

I donated most of the money Jiang Debao had left us to a charitable home. With the remainder, we bought a small courtyard house at the edge of the city and buried him beside a grove of wild peach trees in the hills behind it.

I opened a small pastry shop. I made date-paste cakes and walnut pastries best of all. Often, customers were already lining up before they were ready.

One young man arrived earliest. He stood waiting for me for a long time in the morning chill, his hands cold from the dew, then smiled and said, “My wife’s been having morning sickness. These past two days, she hasn’t been able to eat anything. All she wants is your walnut pastries.”

Smiling, I gave him an extra box.

He reminded me of that evening after the rain, years ago, when another handsome young man, slightly tipsy, had bought walnut pastries for his greedy little wife.

I pressed one hand tightly against my chest. That taste… so sweet.

Little Peach Blossom grew day by day. Her character, her knowledge of poetry and books, her needlework, her cooking—she excelled at everything. Only her handwriting remained crooked, as though a dog had chewed it, no matter how much she practiced.

Just like her diedie.

After living here a long time, I came to know many new people. Quite a few men also asked official matchmakers to propose marriage.

The matchmakers spoke so extravagantly that flowers seemed to rain from the heavens: how modest and courteous this scholar was, how wealthy and kind that merchant was.

Smiling, I refused them one by one.

“My late husband was very petty. He’d be unhappy.”

Because I had once gained a treasure, and no one in the world could compare.

Debao. Debao…

Translator’s note: Debao, 得宝 (de2 bao3), literally means “gained a treasure.”

Look. You wanted me to live well. I’ve done good deeds. I’ve been living well.

One day, when I got up to dress my hair, I discovered a glaring white strand among all the black.

Before I had time to feel sad, I heard a thud at the entrance. Someone had collapsed.

Many people fleeing famine had recently come to the city. This fourteen- or fifteen-year-old boy, who’d fainted from hunger, was thin and sallow, dressed in rags. He was probably one of them.

We took him in.

Who could have known that Little Peach Blossom and this boy, who initially couldn’t stand each other, would eventually fall in love?

One would marry no one but her; the other would marry no one but him.

I made Little Peach Blossom a bright red wedding dress and saw her into the bridal sedan chair that came to fetch her.

Through her shy smile, I seemed to see myself fourteen years earlier.

Back then, full of nervous anticipation, my heart had risen and fallen with the sedan chair. I hadn’t known what sort of person I’d meet, or what shape my life would take.

My feelings had been terribly complicated. Only regret had been absent.

That was still true now.

Little Peach Blossom soon had a child. His skin was wrinkled, pale yellow crusts still marked his brow and eyes, and whenever he yawned, his entire little face turned red.

Only then did I learn that newborn babies were so ugly… and so adorable.

The young couple discussed it with me: all their children would bear the surname Jiang.

I went to the peach grove to tell my xiang-gong the good news.

He needn’t worry. We always remembered him.

Even after I was gone, even after Little Peach Blossom was gone, there would still be people who remembered him as their ancestor, people to burn paper offerings for him at Qingming and Zhongyuan, the Ghost Festival.

He would never be all alone.

Leaning against a peach tree, I spoke softly. But no gentle voice answered. Only peach blossoms, stirred by the wind, drifted down and landed tenderly on my hand.

The children grew up one after another. I left the shop to the young couple, giving me more time to spend with him.

My energy grew poorer and poorer, and my memory worse and worse. I’d meant to bring him some peach-blossom wine I’d newly made, but when I opened the box, I discovered I’d packed an empty teapot. Even this little path, which I used to be able to walk to the end with my eyes closed, seemed especially long. I almost fell, too.

The sun was bright. Its light shone through the mottled branches into my eyes. Their corners ached terribly, and tears gathered without my realizing.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be long before I could go and keep him company.

Fortunately, it would be soon.

At last, it would be soon.

(The End)