After the Flop Starlet's Cover Gets Blown like Crazy
I’m the eighteenth-tier flop starlet with the most hate-magnet constitution in the entertainment industry. Black material like plastic surgery, bad acting, diva behavior and having a sugar daddy is always by my side.
Translator’s note: “Always by my side” (常伴吾身) is borrowed from Yasuo’s famous line in the Chinese version of League of Legends: “Death is like the wind, always by my side.” Black material (黑料) means dirt or scandal.
But whatever. My goal is to lie flat all the way until I leave the industry.
Until the company arranged for me to join a desert-island survival reality show.
My dad, a capital crocodile of the entertainment world, jumped up and down: “Which idiot let her go on this show?”
01
Since I was little I’ve loved extreme sports. Skiing, rock climbing, deep diving, skydiving, tightrope walking: the more heart-pounding the activity, the more I like it.
My dad, the capital crocodile of the entertainment world, was afraid I’d court death doing extreme sports, so he forcibly stuffed me into the entertainment industry.
He signed me up for a girl-group audition. Maybe because I was too outstandingly good-looking, I slacked off the whole way and still debuted at center position.
But from the moment I entered the circle, I started lying flat.
Because—
Appearing on camera in light makeup, there were always people saying I’d spent a million on plastic surgery.
Taking the family helicopter to the set got called diva behavior.
Dozing off while acting got me flamed for having a paralyzed face.
Several Film Emperors knew me, yet I got blacked as a green tea bitch leeching off their traffic.
Translator’s note: A green tea bitch (绿茶婊) is a girl who acts pure and innocent while scheming behind the scenes. Film Emperor (影帝) is the title for a Best Actor winner.
Tianlula.
Every time those Film Emperors want to shoot a big production, they have to come to my house to beg for alms, okay.
I can’t blame other people either, only my dad for being so low-key. He never made public his relationship with me.
“Yan Luoxin, do you know you’re about to flop? The company is being considerate of you. There’s a desert-island survival reality show here, you go.”
Desert-island survival?
That’s this jiejie’s absolute favorite ah.
Translator’s note: Jiejie (姐姐) means “big sister”; here she’s calling herself “big sis,” like “yours truly.”
“President Wu, are you really giving such a good opportunity to me?”
The corner of President Wu’s mouth twitched slightly.
“Yan Luoxin, since you’re about to flop out of the circle anyway, I’ll be straight with you. This reality show has a certain level of danger. None of the company’s female artists want to go. Just treat it as contributing one more wave of traffic to the company.”
So it turned out they were all too chicken to go.
I giggled.
“Thank you for the cultivation, President Wu!”
02
One week later.
I reported to the production crew.
Sunshine, beach, waves, cacti.
When I saw all the guests, I was still a little shocked.
Of the men taking part this time, three were top-tier stars.
There was Film Emperor Xie, who specialized in tough-guy roles; Teacher Huang, known as the IQ ceiling of the entertainment industry; and the red-hot singing-and-dancing young idol, Wang xiaoge.
Translator’s note: Xiaoge (小哥) is a friendly term for a young man, roughly “little bro.”
The women, on the other hand, really weren’t in the same league. The most popular was second-tier leading actress Xi Yue, while Bai Mengmeng and I were both newcomers who debuted through talent shows in the last two years. One was on the little-white-flower route, and the other, uh, became popular through black material and rumors.
To heighten the show’s effect, as soon as each guest arrived they started confiscating our luggage and supplies, giving each person only a dedicated phone and a bottle of water.
“Welcome to Desert Island Survival. This show will be livestreamed. Each of you gets a communication phone. Don’t worry about signal; we’ve set up a temporary base station at the volcano crater in the center of the island. If you run into danger you can call for help, and you can also interact with the audience through the phone.”
“The first item on the program is grouping. It must be male-female pairs. Please make your choice!”
Film Emperor Xie had partnered with Xi Yue before, so they quickly formed a group.
Teacher Huang glanced at me, shook his head, and in the end chose Bai Mengmeng.
Wang xiaoge respected the two seniors and let them choose first, so he could only pick up me, the leftover.
I glanced at the comments.
Wang xiaoge and I had become the least favored team—
[One played Lin Daiyu, one played Xu Xian. Absolutely amazing.]
[Three seconds of heartache for Wang xiaoge. His Xu Xian was acting, but Yan Luoxin really is very Lin Daiyu.]
[No need to watch. Yan Luoxin’s group is definitely coming last, or I’ll eat my keyboard on livestream.]
Translator’s note: Lin Daiyu is the frail, sickly heroine of Dream of the Red Chamber; Xu Xian is the timid scholar husband in Legend of the White Snake. Both are shorthand for “delicate and useless.”
I smiled calmly.
The company had always marketed me with a Lin Daiyu-style persona. You don’t know my specialty is outdoor survival.
03
“Congratulations, everyone has formed groups. Next is a contest to win supply packs.”
“Within one hour, light a bonfire. Whoever lights a fire first gets pack No. 1, with the richest supplies. Pack No. 3 has the fewest… Timer starts!”
I have to say, this show really was challenging.
Without some survival skills you really couldn’t play.
The guests all sprang into action.
I went into the bushes behind me to find dry leaves and dry branches and came back.
I found that Film Emperor Xie had come back too. He was talking eloquently to the camera.
“There are many kinds of drilling wood for fire. The caveman’s pure hand-rubbing method isn’t advisable; you won’t get a spark in two hours. The Iroquois-style pump drill gets fire quickly, but the device is too complicated. So I’m using the bow drill, which is the method Ed uses most.”
Ed and Bear are wilderness survival experts abroad.
Translator’s note: Fans call Ed Stafford “De-ye” (德爷) and Bear Grylls “Bei-ye” (贝爷), roughly “Master Ed” and “Master Bear.”
But in my eyes, they’re just so-so. Starving through nine meals in three days, I definitely can’t do that.
Film Emperor Xie made branches and vines into the shape of an erhu bow, wound a dry stick in the middle, and pressed the stick against a dry log.
Sawing back and forth like playing an erhu, the stick drilled rapidly back and forth on the log.
Now look at Teacher Huang’s side.
He found two stones in the woods and likewise explained to the camera.
“This is a volcanic island. I just searched around and found two stones with yellow streaks. I believe they contain sulfur. Just keep rubbing them and fire will come out.”
Truly the IQ ceiling of the entertainment industry, not taking the drilling route.
Wang xiaoge stood where he was, at a loss.
From his expression he seemed to want to give up. They’d get the least-supplied No. 3 pack whether they tried or not, so might as well save energy.
I gave him a push: “Handsome, go gather more dry branches. Leave the rest to me.”
Wang xiaoge was half doubtful, but with the cameraman following, he still got busy and went to gather branches as I said.
I gulped water in big mouthfuls toward the camera.
In the phone’s comments, a wave of complaints appeared—
[Don’t you know water is precious on survival shows? Wasting it like this, what if they don’t give out water later?]
[Total newbie. Don’t know why the production crew got a green tea like this on the show.]
[Upstairs, calm down. She’s just here to be the green leaf.]
I didn’t care. After drinking all the water in the bottle, I put it under my foot and slowly stepped down on it from the bottom.
Crack!
The plastic bottle was crushed flat.
Then I pinched the bottle left and right with my hands, shaping it into a fisheye that bulged on top and bottom, and went to the sea to fill it with water.
At this point, Wang xiaoge came back with a few dry branches and saw me constantly adjusting the angle of the flattened bottle.
His eyes lit up: “Convex lens focusing!”
That’s right.
Without kindling or a lighter, convex lens focusing is the fastest way to make fire.
Years ago there was a news story where a few kids threw some half-finished mineral water bottles in the mountains and started a wildfire. Same principle.
After focusing the light to the smallest point, I held still.
One minute later, the temperature reached 40 degrees Celsius.
Three minutes later, the temperature was probably over 100 degrees Celsius.
Five minutes, the dry leaves started smoking.
When sparks appeared, I picked up another dry leaf, laid it on top, and carefully blew on it.
Whoosh!
A red flame shot up, and the dry leaf was completely ignited.
I lifted my eyelids at Wang xiaoge, who was frozen on the spot: “Handsome, you know how to add branches, right? The rest is up to you.”
I got up, brushed off the dust, and looked at the other two groups.
Film Emperor Xie had taken off his outer layer, revealing burly arms, and with Xi Yue cheering him on, he kept working the erhu-style drill. His all-out effort could compete with someone training like crazy at the gym.
On Teacher Huang’s side, he was sweating profusely, rubbing two stones nonstop and muttering: “Why aren’t there sparks yet? This isn’t scientific.”
The phone’s comments had long since boiled over—
[Will the person who said they’d eat their keyboard on livestream please step out.]
[This Yan Luoxin is using cheats, right? Sorry, I underestimated her.]
[After watching the whole thing, why do I feel Yan Luoxin’s Lin Daiyu act was fake all along?]
04
The one-hour limit was up.
All three groups had lit bonfires. Our group was fastest, Film Emperor Xie’s second, and Teacher Huang’s third.
The most miserable was Teacher Huang. He kept slapping his forehead: “I only focused on chemistry and completely forgot optics in physics.”
Wang xiaoge and I got the No. 1 supply backpack as we’d hoped.
No food, all tools, including: a lighter, a fruit knife, a telescopic fishing rod, a pack of ten small tissue packets, a pair of stockings, and a palm-sized medical first-aid kit.
Seeing there was no water, I picked up the flattened plastic bottle again, poured out the seawater, and squeezed it round.
Wang xiaoge seemed a bit heartbroken.
“I’ll split my water with you, half each.”
I thought about it. I couldn’t get fresh water anytime soon, so I nodded: “A third is enough.”
The cameraman filmed our water-splitting in close-up.
The phone’s comments kept popping up with “666, I ship it.”
Afterward I went to ask about the supplies of Film Emperor Xie’s and Teacher Huang’s groups.
Film Emperor Xie’s had a medical first-aid kit, a utility knife, and a big pack of sanitary pads.
Teacher Huang, besides the first-aid kit, only had a roll of garbage bags.
I asked the directing team: “Can we trade?”
The directing team replied: “Trading supplies is encouraged.”
I traded four tissue packets with Film Emperor Xie’s group for four sanitary pads, and four tissue packets with Teacher Huang for eight black plastic garbage bags.
Bai Mengmeng asked: “Did your period come?”
I shook my head and smiled serenely: “Sanitary pads and plastic bags are treasures in wilderness survival.”
Now everyone had tissues, and they were very happy too.
Artists, you know, always need tissues to dab their faces.
The program team announced the schedule.
“The whole island survival is divided into three days: the first day on the beach, the second day crossing the jungle, the third day climbing to the volcano crater.”
“During the three days, the program in principle won’t provide food or drinking water. Guests need to solve that themselves.”
“So next, you need to sort out today’s food and shelter on the beach…”
I lent the fishing rod to Film Emperor Xie: “Xie-dage, I’ll lend you the fishing rod, but I want half of whatever you catch.”
Translator’s note: Dage (大哥) means “big brother,” a respectful way to address an older man.
Film Emperor Xie grinned and happily agreed.
I lent the fruit knife to Teacher Huang: “Teacher Huang, I’ll lend you the fruit knife, but I need twenty palm leaves.”
Teacher Huang agreed with a wry smile, because he had no tools.
Wang xiaoge gave me a thumbs-up.
“What do you need me to do?”
“I need you to go into the bushes, find a low-lying spot and dig a funnel-shaped pit. Dig with a stick, don’t hurt your hands.”
Maybe the first round had given him confidence.
He dug the pit especially hard.
Meanwhile I cut a slit in a sanitary pad, put it inside a stocking, and fitted a plastic garbage bag over the top.
At the very bottom I attached my water bottle.
After Wang xiaoge dug the pit, I set the water bottle at the very bottom and slowly loaded moist soil into the garbage bag.
Wang xiaoge was stunned.
“What is this for?”
“Filtering fresh water. The moisture in damp soil seeps down with gravity. Filter it through an all-cotton sanitary pad and you get fresh water. In about two hours, my bottle will be full.”
The livestream comments exploded—
[Is this still the Yan Luoxin I remember? So strong!]
[I thought she was Bronze at first, turns out she’s King.]
[Love her so much, decisively switching from anti to fan!]
Translator’s note: Bronze and King are ranks in the mobile game Honor of Kings: bottom tier and top tier.
05
Film Emperor Xie’s tough-guy image wasn’t an act. He really had a lot of practical skills.
Fishing was his strong suit.
He first dug up some snails and shellfish on the beach, scooped out the meat for bait, then went onto a big rock to fish.
Xi Yue broke off two palm leaves as sunshades, and the two chatted while leisurely fishing on the rock.
Meanwhile I led Wang xiaoge wandering along the beach.
“What are we doing?”
“Picking up trash!”
Wang xiaoge’s forehead filled with black lines.
I explained: “The tides wash lots of stuff ashore. We need to make use of anything useful.”
Sure enough.
Past the beach, once we reached the mudflats, the good stuff increased.
Something shiny caught my attention.
I quickly walked over and dug it out of the silt.
“Haha, found a treasure. It’s a stainless steel tray.”
The tray was about the size of a home dinner plate, but with a two-centimeter-high rim around the edge, the kind barbecue places use to hold food.
I said happily: “With this tray, we can boil water and cook food.”
Seeing I’d dug up treasure, Wang xiaoge wasn’t going to be outdone.
He soon found a green beer bottle.
“Xiao Xin, is this glass bottle useful?”
“Super useful. If we find wild fruit, we can break it open, stuff it into the bottle and pound it with a stick to squeeze out juice.”
Wang xiaoge’s eyes flashed: “Right, drinking juice is better than drinking filtered water.”
When we really couldn’t find any more good stuff, we went back to the beach.
I looked at the setting sun on the horizon and how the seawater was changing, and reminded him: “Wang xiaoge, get the plastic bags ready. Let’s go chase the sea.”
“Chase the sea?”
“When the tide goes out, lots of fish, shrimp and shellfish get left in the shallows. They can all be our food tonight.”
Wang xiaoge looked excited, grabbed a bag and rushed to the sea with me.
The sun was setting.
The tide went out quickly; reefs twenty or thirty meters out were exposed.
We went barefoot, chasing the waves and picking up the sea’s gifts nonstop.
Wang xiaoge was very excited: “Damn, there’s abalone and sea cucumber!”
I focused on picking razor clams and kelp.
Those abalones were tiny and wouldn’t fill you up. Razor clams were plentiful and filling.
Seeing us chasing the sea, Teacher Huang and Bai Mengmeng ran over with plastic bags too.
He was quite knowledgeable, coaching Bai Mengmeng: “Follow the waves, hands quick, or these little things will crawl back into the sea!”
After a frenzy of picking, tonight’s dinner was nothing to worry about.
06
We went back to the meeting point.
We found Film Emperor Xie, who said apologetically: “The water’s too shallow here. Didn’t catch any fish.”
We raised our plastic bags.
“This is enough for the six of us.”
Maybe out of apology, Film Emperor Xie took on cooking duty.
I handed him the stainless steel tray; he’d surely use it as a pot.
Wang xiaoge and I went to build a shelter with palm leaves.
This time, Wang xiaoge showed his talent for geometry.
He set up a triangular frame of tree trunks between two big rocks, then laid palm leaves over it. It could keep out wind and rain.
I reminded him: “Lay dry leaves on the ground too.”
He didn’t understand: “Wouldn’t sleeping on the sand be more comfortable?”
I shook my head: “No. The sand by the sea is too salty. It’ll make our bodies lose water fast. You might wake up tomorrow dehydrated.”
Wang xiaoge gave a thumbs-up: “Lucky I’m in your group.”
Maybe seeing it was getting dark, he hurried into the bushes to gather dry leaves.
I went to see how Film Emperor Xie was handling the seafood.
Film Emperor Xie really did know how to cook. He piled stones into two stoves. On one he boiled abalone and sea cucumber in the stainless tray; on the other he heated a thin stone slab over the fire.
He laid kelp on the slab and roasted razor clams and scallop meat on top.
Just as everyone’s attention was on Film Emperor Xie’s cooking show, a high-decibel scream came from the bushes.
“Help, I’ve been bitten by a snake!”
Hearing the cry, everyone sprinted into the bushes.
We found Wang xiaoge gripping his leg with both hands.
On his calf was a clear bite mark, and blood was flowing out.
Teacher Huang froze for a moment, then calmly took out the first-aid kit and pulled out a tourniquet, explaining as he worked: “Tie the tourniquet above the wound to keep the blood from flowing to the heart, then find a way to force out the poisoned blood.”
Bai Mengmeng wanted to perform for the camera.
“Let me, I’ll suck it out with my mouth!”
Teacher Huang hurriedly stopped her: “No. If you have a mouth ulcer, whoever sucks it will be poisoned too.”
Xi Yue was very anxious too: “Teacher Huang, what now?”
Teacher Huang pursed his lips: “There are two ways. One, tell the program team to send him to the hospital right away for antivenom. Two, burn the wound to destroy the venom proteins.”
Wang xiaoge’s forehead was covered in fine sweat. He knew that being sent to the hospital now might not be in time.
And burning the wound would hurt a lot.
But he gritted his teeth: “The lighter’s in my pocket.”
Teacher Huang couldn’t bring himself to do it and looked at Film Emperor Xie.
Film Emperor Xie nodded hard: “Let me be the ruthless one for this.”
Just as Film Emperor Xie flicked on the lighter with a click—
I shouted: “Wait, no need to burn it! That snake isn’t venomous!”
07
Everyone was stunned, including the cameraman.
I walked closer and pointed at the wound: “Venomous snakes usually have triangular heads and two fangs, but this wound is two rows of small tooth marks, top and bottom. That matches round-headed non-venomous snakes, like pythons, king ratsnakes, water snakes. None of them are venomous.”
After hearing me, Wang xiaoge’s pale face instantly got some color back, and he sighed: “Scared this baby to death.”
I added: “Even though it’s not venomous, it still needs treatment. Wait for me.”
Amid everyone’s confusion, I quickly plunged into the bushes.
Even the cameraman couldn’t keep up with me.
He had to turn back helplessly.
A few minutes later.
I walked out with a few wild fruits in one hand and a fat snake in the other.
Xi Yue and Bai Mengmeng screamed and hurriedly stepped back.
I laughed: “Don’t be scared. This is a king ratsnake. It moves slowly, and it’s very plump and tasty.”
Teacher Huang’s forehead filled with black lines. So they’d made a huge fuss over nothing.
Nobody dared to catch the snake, so I had to keep holding it, and I handed the few thumb-sized wild fruits, which looked like little yellow persimmons, to Film Emperor Xie.
“Xie-dage, please squeeze the juice of these fruits onto Wang xiaoge’s wound.”
Film Emperor Xie asked doubtfully: “This works?”
I nodded: “Mm. Tannins can neutralize venom proteins. Any astringent fruit contains tannins. If there’s no astringent fruit, dandelion can also detoxify snake venom.”
Everyone looked at me in astonishment.
Teacher Huang asked: “How do you know so much?”
I shrugged: “The agriculture channel airs this stuff. Don’t you guys watch it?”
Everyone: …
After the fruit juice was applied, Teacher Huang bandaged Wang xiaoge’s wound and even tied a pretty bow.
Supported by Film Emperor Xie, Wang xiaoge limped back to the meeting point.
I had Teacher Huang return the fruit knife.
By the stove, in front of everyone, I killed the snake, took out the gallbladder, skinned it, and cut the meat into segments.
Since the snake-killing could make people uncomfortable, it wasn’t livestreamed.
The camera only pointed at my back. In the frame, a ruthless woman was cutting meat with a knife, stroke after stroke.
Daunting, chilling.
This move.
The livestream exploded again—
[Ahhh, is this still the delicate Yan Luoxin? Why does she look like a female tough guy?]
[She looks so badass catching and handling the snake.]
[This is damn subversive. I want to apologize for calling her pretentious before.]
08
I first blanched the snake meat in boiling water, then put it on the stone slab to sear.
The smell of meat spread.
Even the cameraman couldn’t help swallowing when he smelled it.
Film Emperor Xie tasted it first and licked his fingers afterward.
“Fresh, tender, smooth, original flavor. Fragrant!”
Teacher Huang said: “Eat up, don’t have mental blocks. This stuff nourishes yin and tonifies the kidneys.”
Nobody was squeamish. From little bites to gorging, to a scramble that cleaned it all out.
After game and then seafood, everyone finally had full stomachs.
At this point.
Night fell.
Everyone sat around the bonfire, looking at the bright moon and sparse stars, listening to the sea breeze.
This was, after all, a reality show.
The directing team was definitely going to stir things up.
“Guests, we’ll now do a group talent show segment. Everyone can pull out all the stops and perform for the camera. At the end the livestream audience will vote. The group with the most votes gets to stay in a tent, second place gets sleeping bags, and third place only gets emergency thermal blankets.”
I knew the thermal blanket: a film that folds down to palm size and is as thick as two tissues. Unfolded it’s silver, and you can wrap it around yourself for sun protection, moisture-proofing and warmth.
If that was all you got, you’d definitely be the most miserable team tonight.
The three groups each discussed.
Film Emperor Xie and Xi Yue did a singing-and-dancing vote appeal: Xi Yue sang a cappella and Film Emperor Xie danced backup, flooding the livestream comments with “666.”
Teacher Huang and Bai Mengmeng did a poetry recitation, affectionately reciting “Saying Good-bye to Cambridge Again” without looking at notes.
On the strength of their popularity, lots of people supported them too.
On Wang xiaoge’s and my side, we could only stare at each other. Looked like we were going cold!
Wang xiaoge sings and dances well, but he’d been bitten by a snake and couldn’t dance.
As for me, sorry, whether singing or dancing, I basically slack off and fake my way through.
Wang xiaoge knew this.
So he was so anxious he kept scratching his forehead.
After a long while.
Wang xiaoge squeaked out: “How about we forfeit!”
How could we? If there’s a tent to be had, why not fight for it?
“Handsome, actually I could go in front of the camera and act cute. Maybe someone likes my type.”
Wang xiaoge propped his forehead with one hand and waved the other in the air.
“Go ahead. Whatever the result, I’ll accept it.”
I stood up, took a deep breath, walked in front of the camera, and with all my strength barely squeezed out a smile.
“Hi everyone. Since Wang xiaoge in our group was bitten by a snake, singing and dancing is out.”
“So how about I perform, uh, one-handed push-ups for everyone.”
With all eyes on me.
I planted one hand on the ground, put the other behind my back, and did ten one-handed push-ups in a row.
When I stood up, the other guests’ mouths were open as wide as goose eggs.
The directing team was stunned.
The livestream audience was dumbfounded—
[Who the hell started the rumor that Yan Luoxin is a Lin Daiyu? She’s damn stronger than me.]
[Society Sis Xin, ruthless, and doesn’t waste words.]
[Sis Xin truly is a clear stream in the entertainment industry.]
Translator’s note: This riffs on the meme “社会我X哥，人狠话不多”: “Society Bro X: ruthless, and doesn’t waste words,” praise for a no-nonsense tough guy. A “clear stream” is someone refreshingly different from the muddy mainstream.
The livestream vote results came out quickly. Our group actually came first.
Teacher Huang helplessly came third again.
09
The next day.
We woke in the morning light.
Everyone watched the magnificent sunrise over the sea together.
The directing team also announced the day’s task.
“Please work together to cross the jungle. At the foot of the volcano there’s a freshwater source. Arriving before sunset counts as completing the task.”
This time it was a team task with no groups, but a big disagreement broke out.
Film Emperor Xie proposed: “Aim at the volcano and cut straight through. The straight line is shortest.”
Teacher Huang said: “Go west around the beach to cut down time in the jungle, and only go into the jungle when we’re at the shortest distance to the volcano.”
I asked: “Teacher Huang, why west?”
“There’s less vegetation in the west. Relatively safer.”
But I disagreed.
“Go east around the beach first, and cut through the jungle when we’re closest to the volcano. The reason for east is that plants grow toward the sun. More trees store more water, so the water source is most likely at the eastern foot of the volcano.”
Cutting straight through was too dangerous, going around the west was too cautious, and going around the east had a high chance of finding the water source.
In the end, everyone voted by show of hands and picked my plan.
But a problem came up.
We were seriously short of water.
Last night I’d swapped out the soil and the glass bottle in the pit, and now we had a full beer bottle of water.
But the three male guests all waved it off.
Film Emperor Xie: “I’ll hold on a bit longer. Maybe there’s water ahead.”
Teacher Huang: “I’ll be a gentleman and leave the water for the girls.”
Wang xiaoge: “I… uh… you girls drink it.”
I got it. They were grossed out because this water had been filtered through sanitary pads and stockings.
I looked at the two girls; they shook their heads too.
Fine. I poured the water into my plastic bottle and drank all the extra.
I thought, why be so fussy when it comes to survival? When people run out of water in the desert, they have to drink even pee.
Looks like only I had grasped the true essence of wilderness survival.
Everyone pressed on.
Without water, they soon showed obvious dry mouths and exhaustion.
I, on the other hand, was the liveliest of all.
Bai Mengmeng was the first about to break down.
“Xiao Xin, can you give me a sip of water?”
“Of course!”
I handed her the bottle. There was actually more than half left.
She no longer cared what it had been filtered through and gulped down several mouthfuls.
“Huh, why is this water a bit sweet?”
I answered with a smile: “You don’t think water from soil is dirty, do you? I added sand and gravel filtering. The water contains metasilicic acid; the quality is similar to mineral water.”
“Also, do you have some misunderstanding about sanitary pads? Their hygiene standards are very high. Not only are they made mainly of cotton and polymers, they have to be sterilized at high temperatures. They’re a hundred times cleaner than the tissues we normally use.”
Hearing this.
Xi Yue got over her mental block too and asked me for water.
I split the rest of the water three ways and poured it into their bottles, so we could hold out for the morning.
Near noon.
Wang xiaoge looked like he had nothing left to live for. His lips were pale from lack of water, and his feet seemed filled with lead.
“Everyone, are we just going to keep walking like this?”
Nobody answered, because everyone was saving their strength.
Wang xiaoge walked up to me and tugged my sleeve.
“Xiao Xin, any water left?”
He’d given me a third of his water yesterday, so he’d drunk the least of anyone.
I took out the bottle and handed it to him: “Two sips left. You drink it.”
Wang xiaoge gave me a grateful look.
“A drop of water’s kindness, repaid with a gushing spring. After this show, if you need anything, just come to me. Whatever I can help with, I definitely will.”
I secretly rejoiced. Was this what a life-and-death friendship was?
Another hour passed.
Just when everyone was about to despair, Film Emperor Xie waved his arms and shouted: “Coconut trees, it’s coconut trees!”
We were saved.
Ahead was a grove of dozens of coconut trees.
Some grew straight up, some leaned out toward the sea at 45 degrees, but every tree was loaded with plump brown coconuts.
Film Emperor Xie was the quickest.
In a few moves he climbed a leaning tree and knocked down a dozen coconuts.
Teacher Huang borrowed the fruit knife from me and dug a small hole in the right spot.
Each of us sucked the coconut water greedily.
Then we smashed the coconuts open with stones and dug out the flesh, which was our lunch for the day.
Maybe we’d been scared by the lack of water, because each of us filled our bottles with coconut water. Having nothing to drink had been truly unbearable.
While everyone sat down to rest, I dug a pit in the sand, filled it with dry branches and leaves, and piled a few coconut shells on top.
Teacher Huang asked curiously: “What are you doing now?”
“Burning coconut shells. Coconut shell is the best material for making activated carbon. Just light them, burn them through, then bury them in sand, and in half an hour you’ll have activated carbon.”
“With activated carbon, we won’t need sanitary pads to filter drinking water anymore.”
Teacher Huang looked at me wide-eyed: “Learned from the agriculture channel again?”
Though I didn’t remember where I’d learned it, I still nodded: “Mm!”
10
Half an hour later, I stuffed all the charcoal granules and chunks into the glass beer bottle.
Everyone had rested enough, and we set off again.
This time.
We had to cross the jungle.
Besides the cameramen, the program team also launched three drones to follow us.
The island was uninhabited, and the jungle was close to virgin forest, full of small animals and somewhat dangerous.
Film Emperor Xie volunteered to walk in front.
The rest of us followed.
But I noticed a problem: we were taking detours.
Although we were aiming for the volcano, whenever we hit a sheer rock face or a steep slope we had to go around, so the route got winding.
This wouldn’t do.
Never mind before sunset, we might not get out of this jungle even by tomorrow.
I finally couldn’t help suggesting: “Xie-dage, I suggest I lead, you take the rear, and Teacher Huang and Wang xiaoge each look after one of the girls.”
Film Emperor Xie frowned slightly at me: “Leading the way is very important. Once we go off course, we might get lost.”
I picked up a stick from the ground and poked around.
“Xie-dage, look, these are droppings from a badger-like animal. Animals like this need water too. As long as we follow the tracks of small animals, we can find the water source quickly.”
Film Emperor Xie’s eyes were full of disbelief: “You know this too?”
“Mm. When I went exploring in the Amazon jungle with a group, I learned it from an outdoor expert.”
“You’ve even been to the Amazon rainforest?”
“Uh, I’m pretty wild. Not only have I been to the Amazon, I’ve been through African jungles too.”
All the guests looked at me like I was a monster.
To win their trust, I mentioned my résumé.
“I have an International Red Cross first-aid certificate, I’m a member of the World Emergency Rescue Organization, WERO, and I also have an AOW diving certificate, a rock-climbing certificate from the International Mountaineering Association, a small aircraft pilot’s license, a USPA skydiving license…”
Not only were the guests dumbfounded, even the livestream audience was dumbfounded—
[Damn, Yan Luoxin was hiding her depths. She’s basically on Bear Grylls’s level.]
[Those certificates cost so much. When did she get them?]
[I do rock climbing. Looked it up, and Yan Luoxin really is a great god at some foreign climbing association.]
Seeing the comments popping up in the livestream.
The directing team was stunned too. They’d wanted some newbies for adventure, and now they’d run into a professional.
Seeing everyone’s shocked reactions, I swallowed.
“Did I say something wrong?”
11
My cover was blown. Film Emperor Xie’s eyes showed admiration, and he made a “please” gesture to me.
The job of leading the way fell to me.
Based on the traces animals left along the way, I worked out their main trails.
An hour later.
We not only reached the foot of the volcano, but also found a pool, with two tents set up beside it.
Looked like we’d reached our destination.
The guests burst into cheers. It hadn’t been easy, hiking nearly twenty kilometers and crossing dense forest to get here.
Xi Yue was more emotional. She even cried with joy, hugging me and jumping nonstop.
But I noticed something off.
The area around the pool was very clean. Not even weeds.
And the air carried a faint rotten-egg smell.
Bai Mengmeng wanted to go drink at the pool, but I stopped her with a shout: “Wait!”
I went to the edge of the pool to look closely.
Sure enough, there wasn’t a single fish in the water.
I scooped up a handful and sniffed it.
“This water can’t be drunk directly. The sulfur content is very high!”
The staff might not have noticed either, because they drank bottled water.
“Then what do we do?”
We’d just found the freshwater source and couldn’t drink it.
What a sad thing.
“Don’t worry, I have a way.”
I cut the bottom off my plastic bottle with the fruit knife.
Upside down.
At the bottom I stuffed a brand-new stocking, in the middle I spread fine sand scooped from the pool and scrubbed clean, and on top I spread activated carbon rinsed with water.
A three-layer filter, done.
“Luckily we burned some activated carbon from the coconut shells. This three-layer filter can completely remove the sulfur.”
Teacher Huang nodded in agreement: “Yes, the main filtering material in gas masks is activated carbon.”
I filled the glass bottle with pool water and poured it in from the top. Clear water soon flowed out the bottom.
I caught a little and licked it.
“No more sulfur.”
Seeing they’d have to drink filtered water, nobody was very enthusiastic.
I reminded them: “This sulfur pool isn’t useless either. If you soak in it, it can get rid of mites and little heat rashes.”
The directing team gave some good news.
“Congratulations on completing today’s goal. In the tents there are swimsuits and changes of clothes, hiking pants, quick-dry shirts and so on. Everyone can have a nice soak in the pool.”
Nobody had bathed yesterday, so of course they loved this perk.
One by one they went into the tents, changed into swimsuits and trunks, came out, and not caring about anything else, jumped into the pool.
For a while, water splashed everywhere, and everyone had a water fight like kids.
12
Maybe considering we hadn’t eaten a grain of rice in two days, the directing team showed great kindness and airdropped a supply box by drone.
Inside were self-heating instant rice meals.
Even the water to pour over the rice was included.
After some fiddling, we finally ate fragrant ready meals.
But the program team also announced tomorrow’s schedule.
“Tomorrow, in your groups, choose your own route. Depart at eight o’clock sharp. The first group to reach the volcano crater will be the winner of this survival competition and win a million-yuan prize.”
The real challenge had finally come.
This mountain wasn’t easy to climb.
The directing team gave us three routes to choose from.
That night’s task was to decide which route to take.
Oddly, Film Emperor Xie’s and Teacher Huang’s groups had both made up their minds: tomorrow, whichever route I took, they’d follow.
I finally understood. My performance over the past two days had won their trust.
Who came first didn’t matter. What mattered was reaching the top safely.
Because we had tents, and because of two days of nonstop exhaustion, the men and women each took a tent and fell asleep quickly.
The next day.
Before setting off, we not only filled our bottles, but each drank a lot of water.
The six of us set off together.
Teacher Huang asked me questions with interest.
“Xiao Xin, I heard you debuted from a girl-group audition?”
“Mm. My dad signed me up. I didn’t want to do it; he said if I didn’t, he’d die in front of me.”
“The entertainment industry isn’t easy to survive in.”
“Mm. Someone like me who can’t sing, dance or act will quit sooner or later.”
Seeing me run myself down, the livestream kept the camera on me.
Film Emperor Xie said sympathetically: “I kind of look down on your dad. Why push his daughter into the entertainment industry?”
I glanced at Film Emperor Xie in surprise. He was from the Greater Bay Area; he might not really know who my dad was.
Right, on Film Emperor Xie’s side, the person who dealt with my dad was his beautiful female manager.
I felt this was a chance to blacken my dad, so I sighed: “Ai, it’s all because I look too exquisite. My dad thought if I got into the circle, I could make big money.”
Teacher Huang looked thoughtful: “Interest is very important. Take my daughter. If she doesn’t want to go into entertainment, I definitely won’t force her.”
The livestream immediately filled with sympathy for me—
[Yingyingying, Yan Luoxin is so pitiful, she was forced into the industry by her family.]
[Ai, didn’t expect she was carrying so much.]
[Did we all misunderstand her? The rumors about diva behavior and sugar daddies were all fake.]
Just as I was smearing my dad as black as the bottom of a pot, the island’s weather changed in an instant. Dark clouds filled the sky within moments.
By now, we were halfway up the mountain.
I cried out inwardly: “Uh-oh, it’s a sea storm!”
Bai Mengmeng was frightened: “Xiao Xin, what’s a sea storm?”
“A small storm formed by differences in high and low pressure at sea level. It doesn’t cover a wide area, but it’s as destructive as a tornado.”
The clouds in the sky grew denser and denser.
I didn’t care about anything else and shouted to the camera: “Director, we have to stop filming. Everyone needs to find a safe place to take shelter!”
Most of the directing team’s people were on the beach.
Following us were eight cameramen and two medics. With the guests, sixteen people in all.
Everyone got tense.
“Director, before the storm hits, use the drones to see if there are any caves nearby.”
The directing team panicked too.
Because an expert traveling with them had said that a sea storm on an island is extremely dangerous.
Two minutes later.
The directing team sent word.
“Climb three hundred meters to the northwest. There’s a small cave.”
As soon as I heard, I took off running, shouting as I ran: “Everyone follow me! Cameramen, stop filming! A sea storm is stronger than a tornado, it’ll kill people!”
At this point, everyone realized how urgent it was.
To avoid accidents, everyone ran hard after me through the gale.
Three hundred meters uphill against a strong wind was harder than two kilometers on flat ground.
Everyone was gasping, but nobody dared fall behind.
With me leading, everyone soon spotted the cave.
“Come on, everyone, we’re almost at the cave!”
Xi Yue and Bai Mengmeng were exhausted, but Film Emperor Xie and Teacher Huang were holding them up.
Instead it was Wang xiaoge, with his injured leg, who fell to the back.
I hurriedly turned back.
“Wang xiaoge, I’ll carry you!”
“What?”
“Stop dithering. I can do one-handed push-ups, I can carry you.”
Wang xiaoge still hesitated a bit.
I grabbed his arm: “If you don’t want to die, get on.”
Maybe because of the threat of death, he no longer cared about face and jumped onto my back.
I took a deep breath and sprinted for the cave with all my strength.
The moment before the black storm arrived, we reached the cave mouth.
I shouted: “What are you standing around watching for? Everyone move inside and huddle together!”
Just as we huddled together, the black hurricane swept in ferociously.
Sand flew, rocks rolled, the wind howled.
Wherever it passed, it was like a harvester sweeping a wheat field. Even hundred-jin stones were blown into the sky by the storm.
All of us held each other tightly.
Everyone knew that if we hadn’t gotten into this little cave a step ahead, being outside, we’d definitely have been blown away like leaves by the hurricane, and the fall would have turned us into meat patties.
That sprint could be called a race against death.
Wang xiaoge gripped my hand tightly.
We held on to each other.
When the storm eased a bit, we could hear each other speak.
Teacher Huang asked me: “How long does a storm like this blow?”
I yelled at the top of my lungs: “Probably a dozen-plus minutes. Hold on a bit longer!”
A dozen-plus minutes later.
The wind stopped, and the whole island went quiet.
We walked out of the cave.
The clouds scattered and sunlight poured down, as if the storm had never come.
But looking down the mountain.
A total mess!
Huge numbers of shrubs had been torn up by the roots. The air even smelled of fresh earth.
Everyone suddenly felt like they’d survived a catastrophe.
An urgent voice came from the cameraman’s walkie-talkie.
“Three, three, what’s your situation?”
“Thanks to Yan Luoxin, everyone’s safe!”
There was a pause on the other end, and the voice sounded very dejected.
“Have the guests pull back. This shoot can’t continue. We’ve got a dozen-plus people injured here.”
13
I frowned and grabbed the walkie-talkie from the cameraman.
“Is it serious?”
“Three seriously injured. The medics with us have stopped the bleeding. We’ve contacted a rescue helicopter, but…”
I’d guessed as much.
Because of the uncontrollable weather, rescue helicopters wouldn’t be dispatched lightly.
But for the seriously injured, without timely treatment at a hospital, their lives were at risk.
I hurriedly asked: “Director Chen, did we lose communications?”
“No, the base station escaped the storm. It’s still working normally.”
“Can the phones the program gave us make outside calls?”
“Yes.”
I took out my phone. Because I hadn’t watched the livestream much, it still had battery, so I quickly dialed a number.
“Hansen, I need your help. I’ll send you a location. Fly the family helicopter over. It might be a bit dangerous.”
“Understood, Miss. As long as you give the word, I’ll do it however dangerous it is.”
After hanging up, I saw several guests staring at me in surprise.
I shrugged: “Hansen is my family’s helicopter pilot. My family doesn’t have much of anything, just a lot of money!”
The problem was, I wanted to explain this to everyone, but the cameraman following me was so dedicated that at some point he’d raised his camera again. Since communications hadn’t been cut, my image went straight to the livestream—
[Isn’t Sis Xin’s dad using her to make money? Why does her family have a helicopter?]
[Damn, Yan Luoxin isn’t attached to some rich guy. She IS the rich one.]
[Ahhh, Yan Luoxin is so good at pretending. Full marks for this flex.]
An hour later.
At my suggestion, everyone climbed to the summit.
The reasoning was that once Hansen arrived, he could take a little time to fly us from the summit to the beach.
Another half hour later.
I saw a few black dots drifting in from the distant sky.
I thought: “Uh-oh, that might be my dad coming!”
Just as I’d expected.
When the black dots got closer, they turned out to be three helicopters.
Two flew to the beach.
One flew to the summit where I was.
The helicopter found an open space and landed. Out walked a middle-aged man in casual clothes and slippers, and an assistant in a crisp suit.
The man walked up to me and launched into a tirade.
Of course, he wasn’t scolding me, but the assistant.
“Which idiot let my Xinxin go on this show?”
“Letting her play survival is just letting her run wild.”
After scolding, he looked at me gently: “Xinxin, I heard several people got seriously hurt here. You scared Daddy to death.”
My eyebrow twitched, and I introduced him to the guests.
“This is my dad, the one who forced me into the entertainment industry.”
Film Emperor Xie thought my dad looked a bit familiar.
When he remembered, he was so excited his lips trembled.
“You’re… Boss Yan. It’s an honor!”
As Film Emperor Xie’s whispers spread, the guests learned my dad was the biggest tycoon of entertainment capital, and the way they looked at me changed completely.
I invited all the guests onto the helicopter.
Bai Mengmeng clutched my hand: “Yingyingying, so you’re the little princess of the entertainment world. You hid it way too well.”
I tilted my head: “I didn’t hide it. Nobody wanted to believe it.”
Wang xiaoge’s eyes were full of little stars too: “Xiao Xin, I’m begging to hug your thigh from now on!”
Teacher Huang made a crying face: “So this is the bad dad you said forced you into the industry. You can’t play like this!”
Well, my relationship with my capital crocodile dad couldn’t be hidden anymore.
But that’s fine. From now on, nobody in the entertainment industry will probably black me for plastic surgery, diva behavior or clinging to sugar daddies.
Wherever I go, I can proudly say—
“However rich a sugar daddy is, he’s not as rich as my dad!”
“I don’t need anyone to keep me. I’m a tuhao myself!”
Translator’s note: Tuhao (土豪, literally “local tyrant”) is slang for the flashy newly rich.
[End]