I Just Feel Sorry for Gege

Translator’s note: “I just feel sorry for gege” (我只是心疼哥哥) is a famous “green tea” meme line: a girl sweetly sowing discord while claiming she only cares about her “gege” (big brother, also a flirty term for a man).

The Second Prince, Rong Junqing, was famous throughout the capital for being frail and unable to look after himself, and his wangfei, me, was a delicate crybaby who could only go “yingyingying.”

Translator’s note: Wangfei (王妃) is a prince’s principal consort; wangye (王爷) is how she and the household refer to the prince.

When the edict granting our marriage first came down, everyone in the capital said that the two of us would inevitably end up at the lamentable ending of “weeping at each other and loathing each other,” since neither of us could comfort the other.

Rong Junqing thought so at first too. But even though he and his wife were together in form and apart in heart, he always bore it and never let outsiders laugh at them. Later, even after he fell in love with his sister-in-law, the Crown Princess, Rong Junqing still treated his wangfei with courteous respect.

Don’t ask how I know.

If you ask, it’s because I transmigrated into a book. I, an ordinary little reader, transmigrated into the principal wife of the book’s second male lead, Rong Junqing: Qin Chuchu, daughter of the Chief Justice of the Court of Judicial Review.

Basically a background character, but the man she married had plenty of screen time.

When I first transmigrated, I’d been placed in front of a mirror and was having my bridal makeup done.

Five, six, seven, eight hours later, Rong Junqing and I were sent into the bridal chamber together.

By then I’d fully prepared myself mentally. After all, with a face like that dangling in front of me, it was hard not to be bewitched.

After some fuss, only Rong Junqing and I were left in the room.

For a long time, nobody spoke.

Looking at each other, mutually awkward.

If I’ve committed a crime, the law will punish me. It shouldn’t make me sit facing such a jade-faced, exquisite, stunningly delicate beauty without being able to perform my marital duties with him.

Maybe the tall wedding candles softened the eagerness in my eyes, because Rong Junqing wasn’t frightened by me. He half-reclined against the head of the bed, his breath now steady, now weak as he spoke to me: “If Wangfei is tired, then first…”

Before he could finish, Rong Junqing coughed several times in a row, his face growing paler.

I subconsciously shrank toward the foot of the bed.

Rong Junqing froze.

I froze too.

Ah… I should probably have gone over and patted his back like a proper wife.

By the time I realized this, Rong Junqing’s eyes already held a look of “just as I expected.”

I seemed to have accidentally cemented the crybaby persona.

“Husband,” I called him in a soft voice that turned and twisted again and again, “does your throat hurt?”

Rong Junqing suddenly laughed, glanced at me a few times absently, and slowly held out his hand.

I took it.

Just took it.

Rong Junqing’s expression was a bit indescribable: “Help me up.”

Me: Should’ve said so. Since when do we have any rapport?

Rong Junqing asked me: “You’re not tired?”

“Not tired.”

“Good.”

Good? Good what?

After Rong Junqing slowly sat up straight, he leisurely began untying his belt, saying as he did: “Wangfei won’t undress?”

I stiffened.

But I didn’t know how. When I arrived today, a whole crowd of people had dressed me in the wedding clothes. I’d never put them on or taken them off myself.

I’d not only cemented the persona, I’d stomped on it twice for good measure.

“You really… can’t? Was your family really so indulgent with you?” His tone was full of disbelief.

Rong Junqing’s slightly furrowed brows didn’t take anything away from his beauty. They even made me want to grab scissors and cut the stupid clothes off.

But that would look scary.

Just as I was about to admit defeat, Rong Junqing suddenly reached out with his long, elegant fingers and hooked my sash.

Me: Oho.

But I couldn’t help asking: “Can you manage? You look a bit… today. I’m not trying to doubt you, it’s just…”

“I want it.” Rong Junqing’s voice had gone a little hoarse.

Me: Oho. Seeing me distracted, he seemed to think I was shy and repeated: “Just tonight. I want it.”

At that, I couldn’t help looking up at Rong Junqing, and only then noticed that his formerly pale face was flushed an abnormal red.

Bro, this direct? Not even giving me a chance to seduce you?

Rong Junqing’s gaze wandered: “That bastard Marquis Yu put something in my wine. Tomorrow I’ll have someone break his legs. But right now, Wangfei has to help me first.”

Wow, this explicit?

But I don’t like things that come too easily.

Farewell.

I tried to escape, but Rong Junqing caught my ankle. He’d started panting slightly; it looked less like arousal and more like he was dying: “Wangfei, I feel so terrible.”

After all, I’m a very kind person.

Outside, the rain rustled until dawn, when it finally stopped.

Only then did Rong Junqing and I rest.

Looking at Rong Junqing, sated and asleep, at the luxurious wedding clothes scattered and tangled across the bed, and at the red marks all over my body.

I only want to say: what a powerful drug. Able to make an invalid go this crazy.

It had to be the drug, since Rong Junqing’s persona was cold-hearted and cold-blooded. He didn’t care who he married; there were no feelings involved either way.

But I didn’t lose out. As long as nothing went wrong, according to the original book, I’d be wined and dined and well provided for.

Isn’t that enough?! More than enough!!

But an invalid is still an invalid, and Rong Junqing’s midnight indulgence finally showed on his face.

When we went to the palace for our audience, his mother the Empress was heartbroken to see how haggard Rong Junqing looked.

His father the Emperor kept smiling knowingly at the Empress.

The dignified, upright Emperor described in the book had moments like this too.

If I weren’t the one involved, I might have snickered too.

But I couldn’t laugh now. Everyone looked at me as if I’d forced myself on Rong Junqing and drained him dry.

Later I pretended I couldn’t walk steadily and tripped in front of them.

That should clear my name a little.

“Your Highness,” I egged Rong Junqing on, “go break Marquis Yu’s legs?”

But he said he suddenly didn’t feel like it.

“Did Marquis Yu know this could kill you?” I whispered to Rong Junqing.

Rong Junqing’s face went even paler. He gave me a dark look: “That serious?”

Hm… maybe not that serious.

Although that earlier question had wounded Rong Junqing’s dignity as a man a bit, he was in a pretty good mood overall, and after returning to the manor he was even in the mood to play with his birds.

Rong Junqing loved playing with birds, and his marriage to Qin Chuchu, the original host, had come about because of birds.

One day, noble ladies had gathered in the palace. Rong Junqing had stared openly at the original host’s seat for nearly half an hour, and His Majesty and the Empress noticed. Since the Qin family’s daughter really did have a beautiful face, the two of them assumed their son liked her and granted the marriage.

Afterward, all Rong Junqing said in private was: “That bird perched by the table leg was really pretty.”

Such a little oddball, yet once he learned how to love someone, he stubbornly lived out his life as a tragic second male lead.

Thinking of how the original book described it, my eyes reddened.

When Rong Junqing noticed, he was surprised and yet not very surprised: “You can really cry at a vase?”

Fine, delicate it is. I smashed the cracked pot and, on the verge of tears, said: “I just remembered the snow satin that only came back into stock last year. This year I can’t find it.”

Rong Junqing nodded lazily and went back to playing with his sparrow.

But he got tired after a bit of playing and wanted to go rest. Before leaving, he told me that if I wanted to go out, he’d have a carriage prepared, and he warned me not to cry in the street.

Me: …?

Out it is, then. Saves me being an eyesore.

But I went out at a bad time and got caught up in one of the book’s plot points.

When the carriage reached a secluded spot, we suddenly saw a man in luxurious clothes lying on the road ahead.

A guard went to check, then turned back in a panic to tell me it was Marquis Yu.

Marquis Yu? I looked closely and saw that one of his hands was in a splint. I didn’t know whether Rong Junqing had sent people to beat him, but besides that he had plenty of fresh wounds and was covered in blood.

I properly sent someone to notify the Yu residence, then got out of the carriage to take a look.

In the original book, Marquis Yu was injured in the street protecting the Crown Princess from villains trying to abduct her. The Crown Princess had gone out secretly, which was why Marquis Yu had to protect her himself.

One of Marquis Yu’s wounds was bleeding heavily. Without thinking, I gathered every piece of usable cloth I had on me and wrapped it tightly, getting blood all over myself in the process. Marquis Yu’s people hadn’t arrived yet, but a corpse dropped from the wall next to us.

I was scared half to death, but the scarier thing was yet to come.

I watched my invalid husband climb over the wall holding a bloody dagger.

Then, our eyes met.

The two of us—

One lively enough to kill people.

One not delicate at all, pressing down hard on Marquis Yu’s wound, nothing like the timid girl who’d bounced away the moment her husband had a coughing fit on their wedding night.

2

A hint of bewilderment crossed Rong Junqing’s face. His hand loosened, and the dagger clanged down at my feet.

I pulled my jade slipper back a little.

Then Rong Junqing collapsed too.

When I caught him, I wiped my bloody hands on his exquisite clothes.

But I didn’t expect Rong Junqing to cough up a mouthful of blood onto my shoulder the next moment.

He’s coughing up blood!!! Did he stuff a fake blood pack in his mouth?? I didn’t see one.

Then why fight when you’re this weak!!

Can someone take care of him?

Oh. That someone seems to be me.

When this flawless white jade was stained crimson, he was still very pitiable, which was one reason I was crying.

The other was that he was crushing me, and I couldn’t breathe.

Seeing me cry like my husband had died, Rong Junqing dragged out a feeble voice: “Not at the burial stage yet.”

“Then get up.” I sniffled.

But he did the opposite and fainted right there.

After we got back to the manor, I couldn’t help asking Rong Junqing’s guard: “What did Wangye go out for? You didn’t stop him.”

“Reporting to Wangfei,” the guard’s head drooped lower and lower as he spoke, “His Highness said he was going out to buy snow satin for Wangfei.”

“Where’s the snow satin?”

“He didn’t find any.” Sounded pretty pitiful.

The palace sent several batches of imperial physicians. I heard the Empress wanted to come too, but His Majesty stopped her, afraid she’d be too grieved.

In the end, the one who came was Crown Prince Rong Junchuan.

Rong Junchuan, the book’s male lead. Phrases like “an orchid and jade tree, a clear breeze and bright moon” all applied to him.

Both Chuan and Qing were born of the Empress, and Rong Junchuan doted on his frail little brother.

This time, Rong Junqing helping Marquis Yu save the Crown Princess was still at the stage of simply saving his brother’s beloved.

When the Crown Prince saw me, he asked why Rong Junqing would want to go out for no reason.

I felt guilty: “I just casually mentioned wanting snow satin, and then…”

The Crown Prince paused, but the worry between his brows eased, and even his tone became pleased: “So that’s it. Second Brother has become so thoughtful.”

I nodded repeatedly.

As the Crown Prince followed me into Rong Junqing’s bedchamber, I asked one more question: “He’ll be okay, right?”

Although I roughly knew how far Rong Junqing’s lifeline went, seeing it with my own eyes was another matter.

“Second Brother has been frail since birth. He’s had illnesses big and small over the years, but rest assured, dimei, Heaven won’t withhold its mercy from him entirely.”

Translator’s note: Dimei (弟妹) is what a man calls his younger brother’s wife.

The Crown Prince sat at Rong Junqing’s bedside and stroked the three layers of thick blankets: “Isn’t he hot like this?”

I thought about it: “He’s complained of both cold and hot.”

The Crown Prince had me bring a round fan, then began gently fanning the side of Rong Junqing’s neck.

The scene was so harmonious that several times I felt like a spare wheel.

Spare or not, I still had to show up.

I stayed in Rong Junqing’s bedchamber the whole time.

The palace kept sending things: tonics for Rong Junqing, and rewards for me, in recognition of my hard work.

The eyeful of pearls, jade, cloisonné, gems and more pearls made me suddenly feel that Rong Junqing wasn’t just His Majesty’s and the Empress’s treasure. He was my little sweetheart too.

I’d watch over him however long it took.

When Rong Junqing finally woke up, I was sitting with my hand propped on the edge of the bed. I smiled and pointed at the dark circles under my eyes: “You finally woke up. I haven’t closed my eyes in so long. It’s been so hard.”

Rong Junqing quietly looked at me with those beautiful, slightly upturned eyes, then reached out a slender finger and tapped the corner of my mouth.

Ah… I hadn’t exactly been living rough. I’d just had some tea and a few pastries. I thought I’d wiped my mouth clean.

I’m good at changing the subject: “I heard Husband went out to buy snow satin for me. That makes me feel so bad. Really, it’s all my fault.”

“Mm.”

Mm? Mm? What kind of direction is this? I racked my brain and couldn’t figure it out.

Rong Junqing was used to being ill. After two days in bed he could get up and walk a little, but he had no strength in his hands. Even eating an orange required me to peel it.

The manor’s servants were probably used to Rong Junqing’s ways. When I peeled the orange and he didn’t eat it, they reminded me it had to be put into Wangye’s mouth.

Ah, this… someday I should also stop eating and drinking and see what happens.

Once Rong Junqing had recovered more, he said he’d go to the palace to let the Empress see him and set her mind at ease, and he brought me along.

But when we got to the palace, a servant reported that His Majesty and the Empress had gone boating on the lake and would be back shortly, and asked Rong Junqing and me to wait in the pavilion of the imperial garden and enjoy the view.

Actually, not only the scenery was nice to enjoy. The person was too. Before we entered the palace, I’d dabbed a little lip rouge on Rong Junqing’s lips with my finger. I’d meant to prank him, but he believed my nonsense that it would make his complexion look better. It didn’t seem to be nonsense after all. In the sunlight, red lips and white teeth, he looked healthy.

After Rong Junqing and I stared at each other for a while, His Majesty and the Empress appeared in the corner of my eye. They were coming.

I was a bit nervous. After all, I’d told the Crown Prince that Rong Junqing had gone out that day to buy something for me, and then, coincidentally, something happened.

My brain spun rapidly—

I turned sideways like a virtuous wife and carefully tucked in Rong Junqing’s windproof cloak.

I looked very respectful and loving toward my husband.

Rong Junqing glanced at me lightly, his gaze pausing for a moment. He seemed to have seen the Emperor and Empress too.

So—

He picked up a grape and fed it into my mouth.

He looked like he loved me more.

No. Can’t allow this.

After he fed me the grape, I hurriedly took out a handkerchief and gently wiped his noble hand.

Rong Junqing frowned slightly.

If the Emperor and Empress hadn’t already arrived, he’d probably have taken off his cloak and draped it over me.

Luckily they had arrived, or I couldn’t have stopped myself from calling him an elementary-school chicken.

Even when I’m trying to be a virtuous wife, he has to compete with me.

3

I don’t know whether the Emperor and Empress saw through our little tricks, but they were smiling very happily, especially Her Majesty, who couldn’t hide her delight when she looked at me.

I even got a white jade hairpin that the Empress took out of her own hair to give me, snowy and translucent.

“Mother, your son doesn’t have one,” Rong Junqing said, holding out his hand. It seemed like he was acting spoiled, yet his tone was perfectly serious. “Your son wants one too.”

“Don’t pester your mother,” the Emperor said, smiling at Rong Junqing. “Which of the jade pendants on Us do you fancy?”

Rong Junqing actually pointed at one.

The Emperor actually took it off.

Now I was sure the palace really had raised Rong Junqing like a princess.

On our way out, a servant suddenly caught up with us to report that the Eastern Palace had invited us.

Oh right. Rong Junqing had helped the Crown Princess a few days ago.

“Do you believe the Crown Princess will give you a bird as a thank-you gift?” I asked Rong Junqing.

“No.” “Want to bet?”

“No.”

Screw you.

It was my first time seeing the Crown Princess, and at first glance I found her incredibly beautiful and graceful.

I was happy to be hosted by a beauty, and kept sizing up Rong Junqing on the way, curious whether, after all my provoking, he’d develop feelings for his sister-in-law early.

But I couldn’t see anything for now, and I got laughed at by the Crown Prince for constantly being caught peeking at Rong Junqing. He said I couldn’t leave my husband for even a moment.

Nearly made Rong Junqing choke to death.

Before we left, the Crown Princess gave me several bolts of snow satin, and Rong Junqing got a fine bird.

Seeing that, I looked at Rong Junqing smugly.

The whites of his eyes when he rolled them were whiter than that bird’s feathers.

But when Rong Junqing accepted the Crown Princess’s gift, his expression showed a rare gentleness.

In the carriage, Rong Junqing only played with the bird and didn’t even notice that I’d been lightly and repeatedly stepping on his boots.

The sudden sound of the birdcage opening interrupted my revenge.

I saw Rong Junqing deftly take hold of the beautiful white bird and hand it to me: “Play with it.”

“I don’t want to.” My first reaction was to wave my hand and shake my head, since I’ve always been afraid of fluffy things.

Rong Junqing paused for a moment and put the bird back in the cage: “The only things you’re afraid of are mine.”

“Some people need someone to feed them when they eat an orange, yet have the strength to go kill people.”

I seemed to have said the wrong thing.

Because when Rong Junqing heard that, he leaned toward me as if he was going to eat me.

When his lowered face was just inches from my shoulder, he stopped.

A tingling sensation came from my shoulder.

Am I seeing ghosts? Why is Rong Junqing suddenly being so mushy?

No, wait. I looked closely. He wasn’t kissing me at all. He was just wiping off the lip rouge!!

Good grief, what kind of thing did I get stuck with: “You owe me a dress. You already ruined one of mine the other day.”

Rong Junqing slowly straightened up, most of the rouge rubbed off, his complexion not as good as before: “The key to the manor’s treasury is with you.”

“No it’s not? Where would I have it?”

“Under your pillow.” Me: …?

Then I couldn’t help saying: “Could this handover method be any more obscure?”

It couldn’t.

I really did find a key under the pillow. In a great mood, I wasn’t even afraid of fluffy animals anymore, and took over Rong Junqing’s spot to play with his bird.

Rong Junqing was good at idling. When I casually (truly casually) looked back at him, I saw he’d taken off his outer robe, let down his long hair, and was lazily leaning against the head of the bed with his eyes closed, bewitching but not wicked.

Progress today: I didn’t have to undress him.

Just as my attention was leaving Rong Junqing, I suddenly heard a shrill bird cry. The bird the Crown Princess had given us… swayed, then keeled over and didn’t move.

Huh? What a coincidence? What kind of ghostly omen is this? The book said Rong Junqing treasured this little creature Yu Wanwan gave him. How could it die for no reason?

As I stood there stunned, I heard Rong Junqing getting off the bed.

In a sense, I was now looking rather suspicious.

As the footsteps came closer, my sleeve was suddenly tugged from behind.

Rong Junqing held my sleeve and slowly came forward to look at the dead bird. “I didn’t do anything, really, it’s not my fault,” I said with utter innocence.

“How did it die sooner than me?” Rong Junqing’s tone was chilly.

If not now to lighten the mood, then when?

I said sweetly: “With me here, Husband won’t be willing to die.”

With no one else around, Rong Junqing didn’t bother playing the virtuous husband and said listlessly: “Headache.”

“My heart hurts too.”

Rong Junqing didn’t let go of my sleeve; he simply pulled me onto the bed to lie down.

After he peacefully closed his eyes, he parted his thin lips: “Hum me a tune.”

Me? Me?

Want me to play you a suona while I’m at it?

Translator’s note: The suona is a shrill Chinese horn, played at weddings and especially at funerals.

“Wangfei, hum me a tune,” Rong Junqing repeated.

“Shoulder pole wide, bench long, the bench…”

As soon as the tongue twister came out, even Rong Junqing’s long, slender lashes trembled.

After Rong Junqing signaled me to shut up, he turned to face me and asked: “Are you upset?”

Me: …?

How awful must it have sounded for him to think I’d hummed it out of pent-up anger?

I said, confused: “Is there something I’m supposed to be angry about?”

Rong Junqing seemed to realize it too: “There doesn’t seem to be.”

“Then let’s sleep?” I suggested.

Rong Junqing’s gentle gaze slowly drifted to below my collarbone, and he said calmly: “Didn’t you just say your heart hurts? Want me to rub it for you?”

Playing this big?

Caught off guard, and switched to the adult channel.

Does he know I covet his body?

But a principal wife has a duty to admonish, so I said with all sincerity: “With you men’s self-control,” I paused and corrected myself, “I haven’t actually seen other men, but I’m guessing that after rubbing you won’t be able to stop yourself from doing that? With your health right now, won’t you die in bed?”

“A ghost under the peonies?” Rong Junqing laughed softly. “I’d like that.”

Translator’s note: From the saying 牡丹花下死，做鬼也风流: “die beneath the peonies and you’ll be a romantic ghost,” i.e., dying for love or lust is worth it.

4

Rong Junqing’s hands were slender and fair. When one really did slip into my inner robe to rub my chest, it easily got past my defenses, and I couldn’t care less about romantic ghosts or peonies. I turned onto my side and shamelessly hooked one leg over his waist. “This position?” Rong Junqing’s voice was a little lingering. “Also good.”

Debauchery in broad daylight.

What happened to decorum?

But no joke, the whole time I was genuinely afraid Rong Junqing would die in my bed.

Every time he panted, even though I knew it was desire at work, my heart still jumped into my throat a few times.

Afraid he’d overexerted himself, at dinner I made Rong Junqing drink three bowls of tonic soup in a row, and he sulked the whole evening, thinking I wasn’t satisfied.

This… this man is so immature.

Rong Junqing’s health stayed frail. He rarely went out, but the Crown Prince came often. When the Crown Prince played chess with him, he cheated. When the Crown Prince ate with him, he was picky.

Making a fuss about everything under heaven.

I once quietly asked the Crown Prince whether he ever wanted to hit him.

“Yes,” the Crown Prince said seriously, “but then I think that if I really hit him, Wangfei would surely be heartbroken in private.”

“Your Eldest Highness is truly an honest man,” I said brazenly. “Although I sometimes find the Second Highness a little willful, my respect for him hasn’t decreased one bit.”

At that, the Crown Prince turned and smiled at me: “Father and Mother were right. Giving Qing’er to you was absolutely the right thing.”

Of course.

Rong Junqing and I holed up in the manor for days, until finally there came a time we had to go out.

On the day of the first snow, the palace would hold a night banquet, which we had to attend.

The carriage could only stop outside the palace gates, but I was happy to support Rong Junqing as we walked through the snow. (Mostly it was me holding him up.)

Every two steps I couldn’t help hopping.

Ahhhhh, snow!! As a southerner, I’ve finally seen snow!!!

Only when Rong Junqing coughed twice in a row did I rein in my unworldly behavior.

In public I had to be a virtuous wife, so I not only stuffed my hand warmer into his hands but stood on tiptoe to feel his forehead: “You’re so hot. Do you have a fever?”

“It’s your hand that’s hot.” Rong Junqing looked down at me. “I’ve been staring at you the whole way and you wouldn’t give it to me.”

“Wangye said he didn’t want it before we left the manor.”

“If I say I don’t want it, you won’t give it to me?”

Me: …this?

“Wangye, Wangfei, long time no see.”

Someone suddenly greeted us from behind. Before I’d recovered, a noble lady holding a fluffy cat suddenly appeared in front of me. Startled, I latched myself onto Rong Junqing in a flash.

By the time I realized how improper that was, the lady in front of me was covering her mouth and laughing. And the nobles passing along the palace path laughed too.

I looked up and begged Rong Junqing for help with my eyes.

In public, Rong Junqing really was my darling husband. He calmly opened his fur cloak and wrapped me inside: “Is Wangfei cold? The Qionghua Hall is warm. Let’s hurry in.”

I escaped the crime scene.

Once my head was less muddled, I suddenly remembered something important, very, very important.

After we sat down and I looked around, I confirmed the Crown Princess wasn’t in the hall.

Sure enough, it was happening.

“Wangye,” I leaned close to Rong Junqing’s ear, “it’s crowded and stuffy in here. I’m going out for some air, but you can’t be out in the wind, so you can’t come, okay?”

Rong Junqing nodded obediently.

As long as Rong Junqing was obedient, half the trouble was gone.

Because in the original book, the Crown Princess, arriving late for some reason, would be lured to an abandoned palace on her way to the Qionghua Hall. Whoever lured her would lock her inside with a guard, trying to ruin her reputation. But by a twist of fate, the other person trapped inside ended up being Rong Junqing. That sounds a little better than a guard, but after they were found by everyone, rumors still spread through the capital about the brother-in-law and sister-in-law in certain respects…

And it was while trapped inside that Rong Junqing developed feelings for the Crown Princess, roughly because he found her very special? After that Rong Junqing became the second male lead, but being second male lead isn’t easy. For him it was a life-shortening blow.

Life in the manor had been so comfortable that I’d almost forgotten about this.

I’d coaxed Rong Junqing into staying. Now I had to find the Crown Princess, but I didn’t know how far things had gone and couldn’t search openly.

After leaving the Qionghua Hall, I had a little palace servant go in and call the Crown Prince out alone.

“Wangfei, why don’t you come in?” The Crown Prince was very surprised to see me when he came out.

“Isn’t the Crown Princess coming?”

“Wanwan sent word that she’d be a little late.”

“Your Eldest Highness,” I collected myself and made up a lie, “I don’t know if I saw wrong. I came out for a stroll just now, and from a distance I saw a woman knocked out and carried off. She looked a bit like the Crown Princess, but I couldn’t catch up, so I came to find you first.”

The Crown Prince’s face instantly went tense: “Which way did they go?”

I didn’t know… I thought again: “Which places in the palace does nobody ever go?”

The Crown Prince made up his mind on the spot and took off.

“Take an umbrella, Your Eldest High…” He walked really fast. There’d be a thunderstorm tonight.

Oh well, I hurried after him too.

The first place the Crown Prince checked was Shaoguang Hall.

But nobody was there.

By now it had started to thunder, rumbling. I was already nervous, and now my heart beat even faster.

The names of countless palace halls flashed through my mind one after another. I sifted through them for a long time and barely came up with one: “Your Eldest Highness, could it be Yuexian Hall?”

All of Yuexian Hall’s windows had been sealed, and so had the main door. The only way in was a small door completely hidden by weeds, which no one would find unless they were looking for it. Which made whoever was inside seem… deliberate.

Luckily there was no crowd watching tonight.

It was still thundering, and big raindrops had started falling.

My fur cloak had a hood, so I didn’t get wet, but I was still cold.

When the Crown Prince kicked the small door open, he froze. I froze too.

Why was it still Rong Junqing and the Crown Princess?

While I stood there dumbfounded, the Crown Prince had already gone in, comforting them both: “Wanwan, are you all right? Qing’er, how did you end up trapped here too?”

Rong Junqing slowly raised his hand, patted his brother’s shoulder, and walked toward me. It was rare for him to walk so fast; his fur cloak practically stirred up a wind.

Was it because he’d had a lovely chat about the stars and the moon and was in a good mood?

But when he got closer, I saw he didn’t look like he was in a good mood at all.

When Rong Junqing stood right in front of me, icy raindrops fell from his temples onto his cheek, ran down his cheek, and soaked his shoulders. He looked very weak.

“Where did you go? I went all the way around and couldn’t find you.”

“You were looking for me? What were you looking for me for?”

“Are you afraid of thunder?” Rong Junqing suddenly asked me.

Afraid of thunder? He’d been trapped in there so long, and what he came out with was: am I afraid of thunder?

In the original book he talked about wind and flowers, snow and moon in there, but now he was thinking about whether I’m afraid of thunder?

My crybaby persona really was deeply rooted.

But I have other personas too, so I really wanted to give him a big smooch right there.

5

But Rong Junqing wouldn’t let me get close.

So I could only frown and say: “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of thunder.”

One more item added to my daily pretending business.

At that, Rong Junqing lowered his head and rested his forehead on my shoulder: “And now?”

“Not afraid anymore.”

Rong Junqing seemed satisfied; even his breathing steadied a lot.

But why did I feel like he was the one looking for comfort?

Rong Junqing hadn’t been clinging to me long when the Crown Prince brought the Crown Princess over: “Don’t let Qing’er stand in the rain too long. You two go back to the manor first.”

As expected, Rong Junqing caught a chill that night.

I wanted to cry yingying again. Whenever he gets sick, I have to move beds, and none of the beds in the manor are as comfortable as his.

The servants saw my tears and were deeply moved. One after another they said: “Since Wangfei is worried, we won’t urge Wangfei to rest. Wangfei can stay here with His Highness, and we’ll wait outside.”

…This seems to mean I’m sitting up with the patient.

Not that I can’t. Rong Junqing is muddled with illness right now, so I can take advantage of him while he’s sick to take his… no, to pump him for information.

I copied the Crown Prince and gently fanned Rong Junqing with a round fan while he lay under three blankets.

Sensing he was a little more comfortable, I slowly began: “Husband, did you leave the banquet tonight to look for me?”

Rong Junqing really was muddled and couldn’t finish his sentences: “It was thundering outside.”

“What did you and the Crown Princess talk about in Yuexian Hall?”

“She fell asleep. I was waiting for her to wake up.”

“Then do you like being with her?”

Rong Junqing’s breath grew weaker: “I went to look for you.”

I understood, and yet didn’t quite.

So was Rong Junqing still the second male lead or not?

Before I could reach a conclusion I got sleepy, so after taking anti-contagion measures I climbed into Rong Junqing’s bed.

Rong Junqing woke up before me. Seeing the cloth wrapped around my face, he waited until I woke and said pitifully that he could go sleep in the study. Out of a tiny bit of unease, I hurriedly clung to him: “No. I want to sleep with you.”

Rong Junqing’s eyes smiled. Only then did I realize that for all his talk, Rong Junqing hadn’t even gotten up.

Ah, the king of tricks.

Under my careful care (really), Rong Junqing’s spirits slowly recovered to how they’d been before the chill. Seeing that he was about to make me feed him porridge at noon again, I spoke first: “They say Xinghua Tower has a good new chef. I want to try.”

Rong Junqing said: “Have the chef grabbed and brought to the manor, to cook just for you.”

“Has a domineering CEO possessed you?”

“What?”

“I said eating at the manor is boring.”

I thought I’d successfully worn him down, but Rong Junqing came out with me too, saying I’d reminded him that eating at the manor really was boring.

But I didn’t expect there to be so many shops around Xinghua Tower selling shiny, sparkly jade and pearls, so I had people take Rong Junqing upstairs first and told them again and again not to let him get lost.

We hadn’t brought many people on this outing, and when I went up to the private room, it seemed Rong Junqing had sent them all away.

The door of the private room was ajar. Left open for me? I was about to push it when I saw there was another figure inside.

It looked like… Marquis Yu, holding a knife pointed at Rong Junqing.

I absolutely won’t let anyone make me a widow for no reason.

Without a word of nonsense, I barged in brandishing a vase and shouting: “Marquis Yu, what are you doing? However much Rong Junqing messes around, you can’t do this to him!”

The hand holding Marquis Yu’s knife jerked violently.

Rong Junqing, who’d been sitting sideways to me, slowly turned around. The teacup in his hand had long since tipped forward, and all the tea had spilled on him.

The atmosphere seemed off. Where had it gone wrong?

Marquis Yu reacted first. He quickly put away the dagger, turned and said, holding back laughter: “Wangfei, forgive me, forgive me. I was just showing Second Master a fine knife I got recently.”

I believe you, my foot.

But Rong Junqing didn’t contradict him.

Instead, Rong Junqing got up, walked over to me, took the vase out of my hands, and gestured at the front of his robe: “I need to go to the carriage to change. Come help me.”

No, I’d get laughed at. I spread my palm. The original host’s hands were very tender, so the palm already showed red marks from gripping the vase: “My hand hurts. How can I help you change?”

“Want me to blow on it?” Rong Junqing said naturally.

“There are people here. Just go.”

After Rong Junqing left the room, I found Marquis Yu looked like he was about to throw up.

I pretended not to see and greeted him with a smile: “Marquis Yu, what a coincidence.”

Marquis Yu pressed his lips together and finally put away that intriguing smile: “What a coincidence indeed, Wangfei. I was just asking Second Master why you weren’t here.”

“Even if I’m not here, you can’t point a knife at him. So scary. I was afraid he’d burst into tears.”

“Second Master would certainly not burst into tears,” Marquis Yu couldn’t help laughing again. “It’s that I accidentally frightened you, Wangfei. Only… Wangfei seems a little different from usual.”

“Not at all,” I said with a sweet smile. “When am I ever not gentle and refined? Just now I was only anxious to protect Wangye.”

I’d also wanted to ask him if he really had drugged Rong Junqing on our wedding night. Looked like I couldn’t ask that now.

While waiting for Rong Junqing, I suddenly remembered something: “Marquis Yu, did you come with the Crown Princess?” “Yes. My sister came back to visit our mother today, and since His Eldest Highness likes the pastries here, I came with her to buy some.”

I subconsciously looked down out the window.

Rong Junqing and the Crown Princess had met again.

The book had said: “He lowered his brows and eyes, avoiding Yu Wanwan’s gaze…”

But the way I saw it, he was looking at her quite openly.

Was I seeing things? Rong Junqing even handed the Crown Princess a hairpin?

Damn him, he’s never given me a hairpin.

Just then Marquis Yu followed my gaze down and said: “So my sister’s lost hairpin was picked up by Second Master.”

Lost? The book did say that on that night in Yuexian Hall, Rong Junqing picked up the Crown Princess’s hairpin but couldn’t bear to give it back.

Before I could finish thinking, Marquis Yu got up to take his leave, but after two steps he came back to take the vase away, smiling at me: “Wangfei, next time, do mind your hands.”

I seemed to have been laughed at.

When Rong Junqing came back to the room, my face instantly sagged long, long, long.

“Did Marquis Yu offend you?” Rong Junqing asked. “It’s got nothing to do with him. I’m just unhappy,” I said sorrowfully. “When I think about how you’ve never once said you love me, I feel sad.”

A straight ball like that made Rong Junqing freeze.

It was probably the first time he couldn’t parry me.

But I meant it. As someone else’s second male lead, you’ll be depressed till the end. As my male lead, you’ll live a few more years.

But Rong Junqing wasn’t completely defenseless. He sat down across from me, propped his cheek on one hand just like me, and said slowly: “I love you.”

“But I love you more.”

“Good.”

Me: ? Why am I the one getting played again?

6

After we’d finished discussing the philosophical question of I love you and do you love me, Rong Junqing remembered I’d said he was messing around and wanted to get out of me why.

“Husband really doesn’t know?” I looked at him resentfully.

Rong Junqing pulled over a brocade pillow and carefully tucked it under my waist: “Can’t figure it out.” I sometimes sincerely suspect Rong Junqing has a switch somewhere. Otherwise how could he be a sickly gentleman off the bed, and on the bed… never mind.

What happened later only made me more certain that Rong Junqing’s ability to hold back and let loose was top-notch.

Once, when I was in danger, he became a different person in an instant: a leap, a reach, a flash of sword light, and he killed without blinking. I peeked at him and saw his eyes were red as if bloodshot. So fierce.

I used to worry about someone beating up my husband. After that I worried about getting beaten myself.

Thinking he was weak seemed to have been my illusion. When a sickly man goes all in, it’s pretty scary too.

Fortunately Rong Junqing was in his normal state most of the time. After going wild he quickly turned frail again. It wasn’t as bad as the blood-coughing the first time, but he’d still be listless for a couple of days.

His listlessness was one thing. Me happily playing in the snow was another.

Rong Junqing spent about two days wondering why I loved playing in the snow so much, but as a native he couldn’t for the life of him figure out the mystery, and eventually stopped forbidding me from going out in the cold.

In the white snow, a spot of bright color catches the eye. So when Rong Junqing lifted the bead curtain with a silver hook behind the door to look out, I noticed almost at once, and even provoked him: “You obviously want to keep me company.”

This man couldn’t stand being exposed, and slowly walked over.

He even sat on the swing I’d had people put up, but he sat very still, apparently too lazy to move. “It’s stuffy inside,” Rong Junqing said.

“Right, once winter came you let all your birds and sparrows go. Of course it’s stuffy.”

“Which is why I don’t like winter.”

I laughed at him: “Actually you’re just afraid of the cold.”

“You’re not?” Rong Junqing raised his eyes slightly to look at me, his tone mild. “Last night I took one corner of the blanket and you wanted to kill me.”

I blinked my innocent eyes repeatedly: “You had a nightmare again? Seems you don’t sleep well with me next to you. Let’s sleep in separate rooms.”

At that, Rong Junqing, as if possessed by a green tea spirit, reddened his eyes in an instant.

He stole my move.

That’s clearly what I usually do.

“You don’t trust me,” I said, looking even more wronged than Rong Junqing. “It was obviously just a casual remark and you took it seriously.”

Rong Junqing laughed: “What did I do?”

Right. I should have held out and made him beg me himself.

I miscalculated. Now I’ll be tossing and turning in the dead of night regretting it. Later, when Rong Junqing was quiet, I sneaked a few glances at him. Today he wore a snow-white robe of gold-embroidered brocade, even more nobly elegant than usual, and that air blended thread by thread with his fragility, giving off an indescribable melancholy.

I remembered the original book’s extra chapter again. It said that however much the palace doted on Rong Junqing, it couldn’t save his sick body. He held on until thirty-one or thirty-two, and then he died. Such a big person, just gone.

Thirty-one or thirty-two, exactly when a born beauty like Rong Junqing would be at his most dashing and dazzling.

When I read it in the book it stabbed me pretty deep.

But now, in front of the real thing, I couldn’t wail about it. Otherwise, if I blurted out something like “you don’t have long to live,” I could scare him for years.

Still, if I count carefully, Rong Junqing is eighteen now, so he still has a dozen-plus years left.

But count again, and it doesn’t feel like enough.

If I could change his love line, might his lifeline have a tiny bit of wiggle room?

And he’s not as gloomy and miserable now as he was in the book.

Extending his life a little is possible… right?

I’m trying so hard to find excuses.

But Rong Junqing has to wait until the baby in my belly grows up before he’s allowed to die. I’m not raising a kid alone.

Oh, right, I’m pregnant, but I haven’t told him yet.

Tonight I’ll go back and play Mind Your Words, Mind Your Deeds with him, then tell him and scare him to death.

Translator’s note: Here “Mind your words, mind your deeds” (谨言慎行) is the name of a truth-or-dare game: pick “words” and you answer a question, pick “deeds” and you take a dare.

7

When it comes to being ruthless, it’s still Rong Junqing and me.

Other people play drinking games with wine. We drink lotus seed water.

Who told us both we couldn’t touch a drop of alcohol.

When the servants brought in the lotus seed water, their eyes practically lit up. After all, Rong Junqing was normally extremely hard to serve. Getting him to take his medicine took real effort, let alone bitter lotus seed water.

Drinking it was Rong Junqing’s “deed.”

As for me, naturally I was just in charge of coaxing him to drink it.

When it came to my “words,” Rong Junqing did ask: “Since earlier you haven’t looked me in the eye. You’re hiding something from me.”

Oh my, he still caught on.

“There’s someone who’s hiding something from you. Guess?” I pretentiously touched my belly.

Rong Junqing hesitated for a moment, lowered his gaze to my belly, and the corners of his mouth slowly curved into a beautiful arc.

Whether from lack of strength or strong emotion, the lotus seed water in his hand spilled.

The moment the bed got wet, I got a headache. When the maids came in later, they’d think we’d been doing this and that without restraint again.

But Rong Junqing didn’t care. He shifted forward on his knees, covering the wet spot, and came closer to me: “Really ‘words’?”

I raised my chin: “Why would I con you?”

“I’m not afraid you’d con me. I just haven’t heard happy news in a long time.”

Rong Junqing was very happy, but after a while he wasn’t quite so happy. He hid it very well, but I know him.

What he was thinking was the same as what I’d been thinking in the snow.

But I’m not giving Rong Junqing any chance to mope over spring and autumn. Now it’s his turn to wait on me! Finally!!

Of course my hands work, but I insisted he feed me soup spoon by spoon, and by refusing to eat a single bite of anything I didn’t like, I made him firmly remember my tastes.

Of course I could run and jump, but so what? I’d walk two steps and say I was tired, and he’d always massage me.

Rong Junqing sometimes got a little withdrawn, probably realizing he used to be just as hard to wait on. But reflecting was one thing; he still made a fuss, picky and sleeping too little, and I constantly worried he’d shorten his life again.

No. I’m going to have a proper fight with him—

Starting by finding fault.

I knew one of Rong Junqing’s secrets: every year he wrote a will and hid it in a little secret compartment in his study.

When I read the book I laughed at him, but now I couldn’t laugh.

No one knew about this. So I’d hoped that night Rong Junqing would choose “words,” so I could bring it up openly. Since I couldn’t, I’d have to play dirty.

Since getting pregnant, I rarely went out, and Rong Junqing didn’t really let me either. He said nowhere was as safe as the manor. Even when he went to the palace, he went alone and hurried back.

Today he’d gone to the palace again.

Perfect, a chance to get into his study.

I rarely went into his study, so I was surprised to see a whole wall of military texts.

I tried imagining Rong Junqing in armor, galloping across a battlefield, and snickered. No, no, he was slender and coldly gorgeous; the image didn’t fit at all.

The military texts showed signs of having been read, but they hadn’t been touched in a long time and had gathered dust. Rong Junqing hadn’t always been an idle man. His heart was willing, but his body wasn’t up to it.

His father was the emperor of an age; his elder son, a fine scion, was the heir. The second son, trapped by a sick body like a caged bird, was lovely to look at but could never fly out.

I wiped the covers of the military texts with my handkerchief, then went looking for the secret compartment.

It really was there.

A stack of wills.

There were ones for the Empress and ones for his Crown Prince brother. There was even one for me, with “To my wife Chuchu” written on it. Good grief, when did he write that behind my back?

I opened the one with the freshest ink, which was for Crown Prince Rong Junchuan. I’d only read as far as “I can only entrust you with looking after the wangfei and the heir for the rest of their lives” before I quickly folded it back up.

Little heir in my belly, did you see that? Your dad was thinking of leaving you.

Afterward I smashed every vase in the study. The manor’s people saw me fly into a rage for no reason, panicked, and hurried to send someone to wait for Rong Junqing at the palace gates.

When Rong Junqing came back and saw this, his face was unusually calm.

Ah. You can’t fight with someone like this.

“Chuchu, come here,” Rong Junqing held his hand out to me and said softly. “Careful not to cut your hands or feet.”

I waved the envelopes at him fiercely: “You’re not allowed to write these anymore. Writing these ruins your luck. Be superstitious for once, okay!”

“Okay,” Rong Junqing agreed readily, and burned the whole stack in front of me. When the light of the fire starter reflected on his face, the paleness was completely gone. “I won’t write them lightly anymore.”

Back in my room I was still fuming, so Rong Junqing stayed by my side admitting his fault: “I always meant to burn them. Then I forgot.”

A man’s mouth is a lying ghost.

“If you write another one, I’ll read it out loud in front of His Majesty and Her Majesty, crying the whole time.”

Rong Junqing’s pupils widened slightly.

Now I believed he’d taken it to heart, but I still wasn’t over it.

So I sniffled and said he had to promise me one thing.

Rong Junqing said: “Just one?”

“Don’t give me that.”

“Then say it.”

I made him stop being picky, and nap with me at noon too.

Rong Junqing paused, clearly not seeing how one thing connected to the other, but still said: “I promise you everything.”

“I’m not the only one who heard. The baby heard too.”

“As a father, I will never go back on my word.”

As my belly grew bigger, I got lazy and listless. Rong Junqing thought I was still sulking, and one day he suddenly told me very seriously that he felt he could live a long time.

Although I knew this was nonsense, I held on to the belief that sincerity works miracles, and seeing how serious he was, I happily gave him a kiss.

Rong Junqing’s mouth seemed to have been blessed. A few months later, I really did give birth to a little heir.

His features seemed to take after his dad.

But on the day he was born, Rong Junqing barely looked at the baby. I heard that after listening to me howl outside the room for a whole day, he came straight to see me and didn’t much care about the little heir. Only the next day did he go to see the baby, suddenly found him adorable, and ordered that the Crown Prince be invited over in half a month.

When Crown Prince Rong Junchuan came to the manor, Rong Junqing was still in the room soothing the baby, so I went to receive the Crown Prince first.

As Rong Junchuan and I stood under the eaves in the courtyard, he smiled and mentioned a small thing. Rong Junchuan said that on the day his mother gave birth to Junqing, the labor ran a bit long, and his extremely nervous father, to distract himself, asked what he wanted for his birthday, and he said he wanted Mother to be safe. “Later, when I thought back on it,” Rong Junchuan continued, “I’d sometimes wonder: if I’d included Junqing in the wish, would things be a little better than they are now?”

Seeing me stunned, Rong Junchuan waved his hand and said softly: “You think that’s unreasonable too, don’t you? But I keep thinking, what if.”

I thought about it and said: “Then I’ll bet on it. There’ll be a ‘what if’ in the future.”

Rong Junchuan smiled faintly.

I suddenly got very bold: “Your Eldest Highness, you didn’t really come to see the heir.”

“If you hadn’t brought it up, I’d really have forgotten.”

Me: …

The Emperor and Empress had wanted to name the little heir themselves, but Rong Junqing turned them down, saying we, husband and wife, had already chosen a name. Since that was the case, how could the Emperor and Empress not indulge him?

Had we? Must have been in a dream.

Having the Emperor and Empress name him would have been so prestigious, but Rong Junqing still insisted I name him.

Then I’ll do it. Something straightforward and resounding.

Called… Changze. The little heir will be called Changze.

May he live a hundred years and be deeply blessed.

Translator’s note: Changze (chang2 ze2): “long” + “grace, blessing,” hence her wish.

8 · Extra

—Rong Junqing’s POV

1. Today Chuchu got angry again because Changze cries whenever he sees me. She thinks I must bully our son in private. But I don’t, so why does Changze cry whenever he sees me?

2. I still hadn’t figured out why Changze cries so much when Chuchu cried at a vase again, which is rather incredible. But when she came back to hug me after crying, she was a bit cute.

3. After having a son I stopped keeping birds. A son is more fun to tease than a bird; he cries and laughs. Chuchu has a lot of fun too, so now Changze cries when he sees her as well.

4. With the baby, Chuchu has more contact with the Eastern Palace. Very good. The closer she and the child are to the Eastern Palace, the more at ease I am. I used to think about this often, but less now. My health is a bit better, and when Chuchu plays in the snow I can stay beside her all day.

5. Last night after we fell asleep it thundered again. I woke up at once, then lay with my eyes open waiting for Chuchu to throw herself at me. But she was sleeping soundly and didn’t react much, so I had to reach over and hook her in myself.

6. Whenever Chuchu plays Mind Your Words, Mind Your Deeds with me, I always choose “deeds.” Because there’s still one secret I haven’t told her. When we were first married, I once had a dream in which I loved someone else with lingering passion. A very frightening dream. Afterward I didn’t dare sleep all night; I just turned my head and stared at Chuchu until morning. The next day she said her snow satin was gone, and my first impulse was to buy her a whole cartload, as if only that could ease some of my unease.

7. Later I learned there was no need for unease. That dream only came once. After that, when I dreamed, it was mostly of the night I came out of the Qionghua Hall to look for Chuchu.

8. The whole capital says Chuchu and I are a loving couple, but yesterday she wouldn’t eat the soup I made her. Does she not love me anymore?

9. Changze turned two, and I turned twenty-one. After celebrating Changze’s birthday and then mine, Chuchu was always a bit unhappy. She once told me to be more superstitious, so I told her birthdays are unlucky and would shorten my life. Chuchu hugged me and said she’d give me some of hers. No need. I always feel I can live a bit longer. Entrusting them to someone else’s care is always the worse option. Chuchu is delicate; I’m the one who has to put up with her. Only me.