Are There Any Wife-Chasing Crematorium Stories Where the Broken Mirror Stays Broken?

Translator’s note: “Wife-chasing crematorium” is the trope where a man who mistreated his partner ends up desperately chasing her back. A “broken mirror made whole again” means a couple reuniting.

My boyfriend had become rich.

When I got together with Xie Mingchen, he hadn’t had a penny to his name.

My friends had all told me not to be stupid. With what I had going for me, what sort of rich man couldn’t I find? Why put myself through this hardship with him?

Now he was President Xie, a favorite of investors, and the people around me said my only advantage was getting in early.

Otherwise, with his current standing and all the beauties of every description surrounding him, when would it ever be my turn?

Even my mother had gone over to his side. She told me to lower my stance, learn to show weakness, and not end up with nothing after spending all these years with him.

I couldn’t help asking, “If he doesn’t bring up marriage, am I supposed to beg him to marry me?”

“That temper of yours will make you suffer!” My mother sounded exasperated at my failure to live up to her expectations. “What else can you do but accommodate him a little? Are you going to plant a tree yourself and let someone else enjoy its shade?”

I didn’t want to argue. I just felt wronged.

Why, in this long relationship, was I the one who hoped, the one who was disappointed, and now still the one who had to drop hints or spell things out to get him to act?

1

“All right. Don’t go home and fight with him. He only couldn’t come to see us off because he’s busy with work. It wasn’t on purpose.”

My parents had traveled a thousand miles to see me. I’d intended to pull out all the stops showing them how loving we were so they could feel reassured. Instead, apart from picking them up at the airport on the first day, my boyfriend had been practically invisible the entire time, busy with his damned work.

President Xie had finally deigned to attend today’s farewell meal. Then he’d answered a phone call at the table and left before all the dishes had even arrived.

Even after that, my mother was comforting me, terrified that I might have a quarrel with him.

Whenever I thought about how they’d even booked their own hotel in advance, afraid of causing me the slightest trouble on this visit, I felt I’d let them down.

At the security checkpoint, watching their backs as they hobbled along in the crowd, my nose stung and tears blurred everything before me.

Heaven knew how, five years ago, I’d hardened my heart enough to leave my parents and go with Xie Mingchen—to somewhere so far away from them, at that.

2

The person who brought Xie Mingchen home that evening was his new secretary.

Struggling to support the drunken Xie Mingchen, she stood in the doorway. “Jie, move aside a little. I’ll help President Xie over to the sofa.”

Translator’s note: Jie means “older sister” and can be used as a familiar form of address for an older woman.

Since stepping back from the company, I hadn’t kept up with personnel changes. No one had told me that his secretary had been replaced by such a young girl.

Secretary to the president counted as a senior management position.

I remembered that Xie Mingchen’s previous secretary had been a returnee from overseas with five years of professional experience. Her competence went without saying, and she’d also handled business drinking parties with ease. At the very least, she’d never let anyone get her boss blind drunk.

“Please don’t blame him. It’s all my fault for not being able to drink. President Xie only drank this much because he was protecting me.”

Chen Cheng’s expression as she explained could certainly be called sincere and heartfelt.

Listening to her made me want to laugh.

The boss fending off drinks for his secretary, the secretary speaking up for her boss—this picture of mutual care was practically ready to submit as a sweet office romance.

If the man involved hadn’t been my boyfriend.

Still, I wasn’t about to lose my temper at a young girl. I merely nodded, thanked her politely, and saw her out.

But Chen Cheng didn’t go. She gazed at Xie Mingchen, who was groaning on the sofa, looking terribly worried about leaving him.

“Was there something else?”

“President Xie’s stomach must be uncomfortable after drinking. You could make him some warm honey water to soothe it.”

The concern shining in her eyes made it seem as though I was somehow failing at my duties.

I brushed her off. “We’re out.”

“There is, there is!” Chen Cheng sounded so natural, as though she were the mistress of this home. “There’s a big jar in the second compartment of the upper kitchen cabinet!”

I smiled. “Been here before, have you?”

3

Seven years ago, I probably would have splashed Xie Mingchen awake with cold water and demanded that he explain every last word.

Now, however, I merely told Chen Cheng to leave in a level voice, then helped Xie Mingchen out of his suit jacket and supported him over to the bed.

As I wiped his face with a hot towel, an ill-timed thought occurred to me: the man he’d been seven years ago wouldn’t have put me in such a humiliating position, either.

Back then, after I’d agreed to be his girlfriend, he’d been so excited that he’d suddenly laughed aloud in his sleep.

He’d called my name over and over like an idiot. “Suisui.” “Suisui.” “Look, even our names go together so well.”

Translator’s note: Sui means “year” and chen is an old word for time, so both names are time words. That’s probably the match he means.

Whenever I took it into my head to check his phone, I’d even make a big show of complaining.

“What happened to no one making it out of their boyfriend’s phone alive? Why isn’t there anything here?”

He’d looked quite aggrieved.

“What do you want to find? I don’t have an ex-girlfriend. You’re my first love. I don’t have anyone I’m flirting with, either. Even my WeChat profile picture is you.”

Back then, his phone had held nothing but dates connected to me: my birthday, my period, a hundred days since we’d met, the hundred-day anniversary of our relationship…

As though every day he spent with me was worth celebrating.

Now I could only catch a few glimpses of his former self in the intimacy and dependence he showed when he was drunk: instinctively nuzzling into my neck and whining for me to pat his back.

4

Back inside that suit of his, President Xie never took his eyes off his iPad throughout breakfast, as though anything in the virtual world mattered more than the living person sitting across from him.

The hangover soup I’d got up early to make sat untouched beside his hand, growing cold little by little.

Looking at his calm, indifferent face, I suddenly wanted to ask him: Want to switch to honey water instead, ah?

“Chen Cheng told me about last night. She only brought me home once before, after I drank too much at a business dinner. Don’t overthink it.”

He finally looked up at me. His tone was so open and casual that it seemed any further persistence would make me the one in the wrong.

I spooned up my plain congee, one spoonful after another, without wanting to eat it. “Why do you keep taking a secretary who can’t drink to drinking parties?”

“Why should a young girl have to drink?”

His protectiveness was all too obvious.

I gave a self-mocking smile. I wondered whether he could still remember that when I’d helped him win over clients, I’d only been a young girl, too.

The damage I’d done to my stomach by drinking back then still kept me from eating spicy food. I’d had to give up the things I used to love, one by one.

He knitted his brows faintly, came over, and kissed me.

“Be good. Don’t let your imagination run wild. I’m going on a business trip next week, from the seventh to the ninth. Could you pack for me?”

“The seventh to the ninth?” I looked up at him, hoping with almost pitiful humility that he’d remember one of those three days was my birthday.

But he merely raised his wrist to check his watch. “I’m going to work.”

5

Xie Mingchen didn’t have much to bring. There was still room in a medium-sized suitcase. Looking at the empty space, I hesitated over whether to put in some clothes of my own and go with him.

If he happened to remember when the day came, I didn’t want to hear “Happy birthday” through a phone.

Just then, Xie Mingchen, who’d been sitting on the sofa playing with his phone, suddenly stood up. He nudged open the low cabinet with his foot, took out the medicine box, rummaged out a packet of pills, and tossed it into the empty space in the suitcase.

I saw that it was motion sickness medication. “What’s that for? You don’t get airsick.”

“I’m bringing it for Chen Cheng. She said she didn’t have time to get any.”

There was so much wrong with that one sentence that the blood rushed to my head. For a moment, I didn’t even know where to begin.

Strictly in business terms, this was the tenth-anniversary celebration of an important client. Xie Mingchen really couldn’t miss it.

But what was Chen Cheng, who had no background in the industry whatsoever, going along for?

Could she secure new clients? Could she trade pleasantries with industry peers and draw information out of them?

“I’ll take her to broaden her horizons. Then she’ll be able to handle things on her own in the future,” he explained.

What a thing to say. Countless people outside were sending in résumés, desperate to get into the company. Countless employees inside were craning their necks to climb higher. How had she become the one who got to broaden her horizons?

Why did President Xie himself have to take the trouble of turning her from a blank sheet of paper into someone capable of standing on her own?

I drew a deep breath and suppressed the agitation in my chest.

“Let me go with you instead. There’ll be so much socializing at the anniversary celebration. A young girl won’t be able to handle it.”

“Your health isn’t good. You should stay home and rest properly. Be good and wait for me.”

Every word out of his mouth purported to be for my sake, yet he couldn’t spare me another glance. Before I could speak, he’d already lowered his head to his phone.

His expression was pleased, his eyes and brows full of smiles.

I didn’t know when he’d become so brazen about it. He was right beside me, but his heart and eyes could so easily pass straight through me, ignoring me, finding happiness only in someone else.

6

On my birthday, I sat at home all day. My phone rang every so often.

There were birthday wishes on WeChat from my parents and friends, texts from businesses offering double reward points, sales assistants from various counters telling me they’d prepared little gifts. Even two clients I knew well called to exchange pleasantries.

Only Xie Mingchen was absent.

I waited until dusk closed in and the streetlights came on, until the day ended without anything special happening.

Even the last call before midnight came from the client holding the anniversary celebration.

“Suisui, happy birthday.” Lin Zhao’s low, resonant voice slipped into my ear, carrying a faint disappointment. “Why didn’t you come this time? I’d been looking forward to it for so long. I even wrote your invitation by hand especially for you, and you still wouldn’t give me face.”

What invitation had I ever received?

But in an instant I understood. Xie Mingchen had probably intercepted it—because of “especially,” because of “by hand.”

Lin Zhao had indeed pursued me before.

No wonder Xie Mingchen had refused to let me accompany him on this trip, no matter what.

But all that had happened so long ago…

For a moment, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I could only smooth things over for Xie Mingchen.

“Thank you for thinking so highly of me, President Lin. Someone needed to stay at the company to handle a few things, so… I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault. I chose this date because I thought everyone could get together. I didn’t expect you wouldn’t be able to come. Instead, I’ve kept Xie Mingchen from spending your birthday with you.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” I was brushing him off, ready to hang up, when I heard him chuckle softly over the line.

“And if I told you his secretary went into his room almost an hour ago and still hasn’t come out, would you not mind that, either?”

7

I’d never had a habit of checking up on him. In the past, wherever Xie Mingchen went, he’d always told me. I’d never even needed to ask.

Besides, I’d thought women who took people to hotels to catch their men cheating were too pitiful. Once a man had reached that point, what use was there in fighting to keep him?

Yet when it happened to me, my first reaction was still to wonder whether there might be some misunderstanding.

But when Xie Mingchen’s phone was answered, the voice that came through was Chen Cheng’s after all.

“Put Xie Mingchen on.” I tried to keep my voice level.

Chen Cheng sounded both innocent and deliberate. “President Xie’s already asleep.”

“Then wake him.”

“I wouldn’t dare. He’s sleeping so soundly, just like a little child. He’s holding my hand and won’t let me go.”

From Chen Cheng’s timid voice, you’d have thought she had no choice in the matter at all.

“So what are you planning to do?” I couldn’t be bothered to keep the peace any longer. “Climb into his bed, or sleep with him?”

“I don’t know… He’s too strong…”

“I suggest cutting your hand off.” My patience was completely gone. I said coldly, “Chen Cheng, this is your last warning. Right now, this instant, get the hell out of his room. Otherwise, this job won’t be the only thing you lose.”

8

The next day, Xie Mingchen finally called.

Not because he’d finally remembered my birthday, nor to apologize for the woman who’d stayed in his room late at night. He was calling to demand an explanation: first thing that morning, I’d told HR to fire Chen Cheng.

“Why are you picking a fight with a young girl?” His dismissive tone implied that I was petty and narrow-minded.

I found it laughable. “So you think I shouldn’t have interrupted the two of you sharing a room and enjoying a night of passion?”

“What nonsense are you making a fuss about? If there really were something between us, would I let you find out? All you do every day is imagine things.”

“You don’t have to worry about food or clothing now. You can even fire people on a whim. Have you considered that without this job, she can’t even pay next month’s rent?”

“Do you know that poor girl was so frightened when she got HR’s call that she cried all morning…?”

“Suisui, you weren’t like this before.”

Every word Xie Mingchen said was a knife driven straight into my heart. It hurt so much that I had to take several deep breaths before I could speak, trembling.

“Xie Mingchen, I offered to go with you. You were the one who wouldn’t let me. You insisted on taking a young girl who seems to serve no useful purpose at work. Do you think I can look at the two of you and see something completely innocent?”

“And you’re completely innocent? Listen to how righteous you sound.” Xie Mingchen lashed out without thinking, his question cutting. “You wanted to come? What for? To see your old lover?”

My breath stopped. I could barely keep my footing.

Perhaps realizing he’d gone too far, he fell silent on the other end, too. For a while, there was only the sound of our suppressed breathing.

Before Xie Mingchen could speak again, I hung up.

I’d never known that the contract I’d fought so hard to secure back then was something so sordid in his eyes.

In the company’s first two years, we’d taken the wrong direction and could no longer keep going.

That cooperation agreement with Lin Zhao had practically been our last hope.

We’d fought for it for a long time. Our price had been pressed lower and lower, yet Lin Zhao still hadn’t been satisfied. Finally, he’d asked me to accompany him to investigate the market up north.

That business trip had lasted three days and two nights. After we returned, Lin Zhao signed the contract.

Xie Mingchen had never asked about it. I’d thought there was no need to explain, either. How could I possibly betray him?

Only today did I learn that perhaps Xie Mingchen had never believed in my innocence at all. He might even have thought himself generous for not holding it against me, for putting up with me all these years.

I remembered a night in that northern city, that year, when Lin Zhao had said jokingly:

“From what I know of Xie Mingchen, after this trip, whether or not anything happened between us, he’ll think it did.”

I’d declared with absolute certainty, “He won’t. I trust him. And he trusts me.”

What a tremendous slap in the face that turned out to be.

9

I switched off my phone. I didn’t want to stay home, either.

This was the third place we’d lived since coming to this city. Compared with his current net worth, it could be called modest.

All these years, we’d been busy building the company. He’d never brought up marriage, either, so we hadn’t given much thought to moving into a bigger home.

It was still a home, after all. After moving in, I’d bought furnishings and flowers, making the place warm and comfortable.

But at some point, more and more often, I was the only person left keeping watch over it.

It was empty, as though a hole had opened somewhere and let in a draft, making everything colder and colder.

Of all the words Xie Mingchen had blurted out, what hurt me most wasn’t his distrust, or his arguments in Chen Cheng’s defense. It was that simple statement: “You’ve changed.”

As though everything happening now was my fault, all because I’d changed.

But I hadn’t been like this from the beginning, either. I’d been innocent, carefree, ignorant of the world.

I’d become forceful, exacting, smooth and worldly for his sake.

At the company, when he wanted to play the good cop, I had no choice but to play the bad cop. Whenever it wasn’t convenient for him to handle something personally, I had to be the villain.

With my old temperament, would I ever have spared a second glance for a man like Lin Zhao, who so openly had designs on me?

But at that moment, he’d held the company’s lifeline in his hands. If I didn’t please him, the company would collapse on the spot.

Every step I’d taken had done right by Xie Mingchen. Why, after we’d come all this way, was he telling me I no longer resembled the person he’d once loved?

He’d wrung my innocence dry, then said I’d changed, and wanted to find an unopened version of me.

How could anyone bully someone the way he did?

10

I caught the earliest high-speed train back to our university. I walked across the sports field where we’d kissed, the rooftop where we’d felt the breeze, the running track where we’d held hands.

I remembered the dream he’d had when he was young. It had been childish and arrogant, yet back then I’d believed so sincerely that he would achieve it.

Later, I’d left everything behind and accompanied him, step by step, as he made that dream come true. And I’d truly, completely lost the person he’d been that year.

It was two days before I came back.

As I was entering the code at the door, it suddenly opened from inside. Xie Mingchen rushed out and held me fiercely.

“Where did you go? Your phone was off, too. I spent a whole day looking for you.”

I could sense some concern. His chest heaved against me, and his arms around me were unusually tight.

But I didn’t have the slightest strength to hug him back or pull away.

Xie Mingchen must have sensed my coldness, too. He loosened his arms and said quietly, “I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Saying those hurtful things? Forgetting my birthday? Or something else?

I no longer cared, either. I answered, “It’s fine,” pulled his hand away, and went straight inside.

Looking as though he sincerely wanted forgiveness, Xie Mingchen ordered a belated cake. I gave him face and ate a couple of bites.

He seemed not to have expected me to cooperate so readily. He froze there, bewildered, before continuing.

“Chen Cheng has already resigned. I didn’t think things through before, and that caused you to misunderstand. But I really never crossed the line with her. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Okay.” What I actually wanted to say was that it didn’t matter. Whoever it was would be fine, because I really seemed not to care anymore.

But I didn’t want to keep going around in circles on this subject. There was no point. “Was there anything else?”

My question startled Xie Mingchen. Perhaps all the apologies and remorse he’d prepared felt like a fist striking cotton.

I’d accepted them calmly, and the subject was over. So much of what he’d intended to say afterward no longer had a chance to be spoken.

“Nothing,” he finally squeezed out.

11

For a while, Xie Mingchen could be called considerate. All at once, work seemed not to be so busy. He even had time to come home for dinner after work, and at the table, he no longer stared only at his phone. He found things to talk to me about, too.

That day, I was updating my résumé and didn’t even notice him come home. I had no idea how long he’d been standing behind me.

Not until he spoke. “You’re looking for a job?”

“Yes.” I closed my laptop and got up to cook.

But he caught the hem of my clothes, looking at me in disbelief. “You’re not planning to come back to work at the company?”

A year ago, I’d stepped back from the company partly because I really was unwell, and partly because, after playing the villain for Xie Mingchen so many times over the years, I’d offended another partner.

That partner was a technical expert. We depended on him to lead research and development for new projects, too. Naturally, Xie Mingchen couldn’t afford to offend him.

With relations at a deadlock, I’d simply used my illness as a reason to withdraw temporarily from company affairs and let things cool down.

Xie Mingchen hadn’t been idle this past year, either. After a series of maneuvers, he was no longer constrained by anyone.

But I no longer wanted to go back.

“You’re running the company very well. It doesn’t really matter whether I’m there or not,” I explained calmly.

“How does it not matter? If you’ve rested enough and want to work, wouldn’t it be good to come back and help me?” He wouldn’t let it go.

I shook my head. “I want to do work in my own field.”

He raked a hand through his hair in frustration, still wanting to persuade me.

But I gave him a reason that left him with nothing more to say. “Don’t forget. My original dream was to be a financial analyst.”

Not his HR department, accountant, publicist, and shield.

Xie Mingchen mumbled something, then fell helplessly silent.

Because he knew that if I wanted to resume the dream I’d set aside, he was the person with the least right to stop me.

12

Xie Mingchen’s deliberate attentiveness didn’t last more than a month. He was President Xie, with ten thousand things to handle every day, after all. How could he really sit around at home?

I didn’t have time to care, either. He was busy with his career, and I had interviews all over the place to run to.

Once, while I was walking down the street, someone pushed a driving-test flyer into my hand. I looked down at it for a while, then booked the fastest private lesson course.

I’d had the same idea back in college, but just then, a serious traffic accident had been all over the news. Xie Mingchen had worried that I might get into an accident if I drove. He’d told me there was no need to learn: wherever I wanted to go in the future, he’d drive me.

I’d believed him.

Until my parents came all that way to see me, and Xie Mingchen left the farewell meal early, never mind taking them to the airport afterward.

I’d had no choice but to take my parents to find a taxi.

The moment my parents, both over fifty, stood with me by the road under the blazing sun, carrying bags of every size and dripping with sweat, I’d hated myself so much for actually believing a man would drive me around for the rest of my life.

At the dealership, while looking at cars, I saw someone familiar. I pretended to ask the salesperson I knew casually:

“That young woman printing the paperwork doesn’t seem very familiar with the job. How did she get hired?”

“No idea which big shot arranged for her to come here and enjoy retirement. She’s always making mistakes, and we can’t even say anything.” The salesperson looked speechless. “But don’t worry, Jie. I’ll get someone else to print yours.”

I couldn’t help wanting to laugh. So much for resigning. He’d simply found another place to keep her. Xie Mingchen really did protect the people he cared about closely.

That evening, Xie Mingchen had a business dinner and came home after drinking.

I was about to make hangover soup, but at the last moment I couldn’t be bothered. I opened the upper cabinet. Sure enough, there was a large jar of honey in the second compartment.

I mixed a cup with hot water and handed it over. Xie Mingchen drank it all quite appreciatively.

Watching him, I couldn’t help giving a cold little laugh. He glanced at me in puzzlement, then at his empty cup. Only then did he belatedly realize I’d done it on purpose. His face darkened at once. He didn’t like me bringing up old grievances.

But I insisted on bringing them up. “Where did she go after resigning?”

“How would I know?” Having spoken, Xie Mingchen realized his tone was too harsh. He restrained his emotions and tried to advise me earnestly. “Show mercy where you can. She’s just a young girl without connections or resources. Why won’t you let it go?”

I gave a scornful laugh and said nothing more.

Perhaps because he felt guilty, Xie Mingchen didn’t leave after saying that. Instead, he stayed and watched television with me for a while, clearly intending it as comfort.

The melodramatic eight o’clock drama had reached the happy ending, its hero and heroine having overcome countless trials.

The hero proposed to the heroine. On television, the lovers’ eyes filled with happy tears. Outside the television, neither of us spoke.

Expressionless, I switched over to the financial news.

I thought this would probably be the last time I accidentally brought up marriage and he deliberately avoided it.

13

On the day I picked up my car, Xie Mingchen had originally promised to come with me, but he stood me up at the last minute.

I assumed something had come up at work. Who knew that when I arrived at the dealership, the salesperson would tell me, full of gossip, that the paperwork clerk who’d come there to enjoy retirement had taken sick leave for acute appendicitis? Her backer really was someone important: a Bentley had come to pick her up.

I nodded to show I understood.

One person really couldn’t split into two.

An illness that had already struck really was more urgent than an unlikely traffic accident. A young girl who’d left her hometown and only just entered society really did need more protection than a woman approaching thirty who’d weathered the world.

It was the salesperson who was still worried about me. After finishing all the paperwork, he said:

“Jie, you still don’t seem very confident. How about I drive you home?”

I thanked him. “No need.”

Sooner or later, I had to take the road alone.

I drove slowly, cars behind me honking all the way. It took three times as long as it should have, but I finally made it home safely.

Only when I tried to park did I realize that driving on a wide road was no challenge at all. Reversing into a parking space was the real problem.

I tried over and over, but couldn’t get the car into the space. It was always crooked or at an angle. Just as I was sweating with anxiety, someone suddenly knocked on the window.

It was Xie Mingchen.

He’d actually got home before me. Apparently Chen Cheng’s appendix had been removed quite efficiently.

He told me to get out, then sat in the driver’s seat himself and reversed neatly into the space in one go.

As we went upstairs together, he asked why I hadn’t called him to come down. He’d only realized I was stuck there because a neighbor had posted a video in the homeowners’ group chat.

I was startled, too. In that half hour when I’d been unable to reverse in, feeling so anxious and helpless, I hadn’t thought of him for even a single second.

Perhaps, over all those years when he’d been absent too many times, my dependence on him had disappeared completely.

He was only asking casually, anyway. Without waiting for my answer, he lowered his head to his phone.

In the dozen or so seconds it took the elevator to rise from basement level one to the top floor, he didn’t look up once.

I just watched him. Watched him stare at the screen and type, a faint suggestion of a smile curving his lips.

Watched him openly share the time he spent with me with whoever inside that phone made him happy.

I remembered so many things.

When we’d first started the business, we’d rented a tiny two-bedroom apartment in a residential neighborhood as our office to save money.

We’d scraped the stains off the wall, then stuck up the company’s name, one character at a time.

One character had accidentally torn. Even after we’d done our best to fit it back together, a crack remained. Since the characters were red, I’d taken out my lipstick and colored in the gap.

He’d offered to buy me a new lipstick. I’d shaken my head haughtily. “The chief financial officer won’t approve it. You can buy A4 paper instead.”

He’d looked at me with such aching tenderness. Holding my hand in front of that wall, he’d said:

“Suisui, if our company survives, I’ll marry you.”

Later, the company really did survive. Its financing went from Series A to Series C. But he seemed to have been so busy that he’d forgotten about marrying me.

With a ding, the elevator reached the top floor. When the doors opened, I walked out first, leaving only one sentence behind me.

“Xie Mingchen, let’s end this here.”

14

By the time Xie Mingchen came inside, I’d already packed.

He seized my wrist and asked, holding back his anger, “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.”

Xie Mingchen’s eyes were full of disbelief.

“Why? Haven’t I done enough lately? How long are you going to keep making a fuss? I’ve told you ten thousand times there’s nothing between Chen Cheng and me. She’s been fired now, too. What are you still making a fuss about?”

Looking at that especially innocent expression in his eyes, I couldn’t help wanting to laugh.

Men really were creatures who wanted both the benefits and the good reputation. They could do every disgusting thing imaginable, then put on an innocent face, as though someone else had wronged them.

How did disappointment build up?

Perhaps it was one evening when I’d happened to walk past our parking space downstairs and seen that his car was back, but he hadn’t got out.

Only then had I learned that he wasn’t really so busy with work that he had only enough time to come home, shower, and go straight to bed.

Perhaps it was the time my computer had frozen and I’d used his to look up some information. As usual, I’d entered my birthday, only to be told the password was wrong.

So the reason he would forget my birthday had been written long before.

I didn’t actually care that much about that young girl. With his current wealth and status, girls throwing themselves at him would come one crop after another. I couldn’t guard against them all, and I shouldn’t have to.

I only wanted to be loved seriously and treated with care, instead of living day after day as an inanimate object in the house. Even if I shattered one day, it might be a long time before he noticed.

I went to the living room, bent down, and took a box out of the low cabinet. Opening the lid, I held it in front of him.

Inside were photographs we’d taken together in the past. Only now, almost every one had been torn down the middle into two pieces.

“I dug these out on my birthday, when I was sitting at home with nothing to do. I can remember what was happening in every photograph. Every scene reminds me how much we used to love each other.

“That night, I asked myself: Zhao Suisui, this man is treating you like this. Why haven’t you left?

“I said, I can’t bear to. We used to be so good together.

“These photographs were holding me back. So from that day on, whenever I was unhappy, I tore one up. Once I’d torn them all, I would leave without a single lingering attachment.

“Do you know? There really weren’t that many to tear. Because later on, we never took pictures together again.

“The funniest thing is, I’ve nearly finished tearing them all, and you still don’t know anything.”

Watching Xie Mingchen stare at that box of photographs, his eyes bloodshot and full of devastation, I actually felt a trace of satisfaction. We’d truly loved each other, after all. I couldn’t be the only one in pain.

I took out the sole photograph that remained intact and stared at it for a while.

“This was our last photograph together.

“A client was late paying us. I waited with you outside his home until the middle of the night before we finally got the money. On the way back, I fell asleep in the taxi. When we arrived, you didn’t wake me. You hung my bag around your own neck and carried me home on your back.

“That road was so long. I woke up on your back and took a picture of our shadows pressed together under the streetlight.

“Back then, I thought I’d walk every road that lay ahead with you.

“It was so wonderful… And such a shame.”

My hands slowly tightened. Seeing what I intended to do, panic appeared in Xie Mingchen’s eyes. He reached out to snatch it. “Don’t!”

I turned my hand and flung the contents of the box upward. Those torn fragments of memory scattered through the air, filling his vision with confusion.

He frantically tried to catch them. But of course, he couldn’t catch a collapse that vast, couldn’t move faster than a fall already destined to happen.

With a ripping sound, I tore the final photograph and tossed it into the fragments fluttering between us.

“Xie Mingchen, we’re over.”

15

I returned to the path I’d originally intended to take and got an offer from a securities firm, though my initial title was only intern.

At my advanced age of nearly thirty, accepting that title really did take courage. The embarrassment reached its peak when I entered my manager’s office to report for work.

Because when the chair turned around, my immediate boss turned out to be He Ziheng, my junior from university, two years below me.

I’d long heard how fiercely competitive the financial industry had become. Campus recruitment now started with master’s graduates from Tsinghua, Peking, Fudan, and Shanghai Jiao Tong, while the requirements for experienced hires were even stricter.

As someone with only a bachelor’s degree who’d been away from the field for years, I was already fortunate to get this chance at a trial period. I shouldn’t have had anything to complain about.

But facing the junior who used to trail after me asking this and that, now appearing as my direct superior, I still couldn’t help feeling inferior.

During the years I’d been away, no one in this intensely competitive battlefield had remained standing still.

Fortunately, there was no pity in He Ziheng’s eyes. He didn’t give me time to wallow in self-pity, either. He assigned me a task directly.

“Xuejie, I need an in-depth industry research report on new energy and the impact of relevant policies. Can you get it to me within a week?”

Translator’s note: Xuejie is a form of address for a female schoolmate in a higher year.

I froze for a moment. He was actually handing a report at the level of in-depth industry research to an intern?

Wasn’t this skipping way too many steps?!

He Ziheng raised an eyebrow and smiled, then said seriously:

“You taught me this before. Aim for the moon, and you might reach the stars. Aim only for the stars, and you might hit nothing at all. Besides… Xuejie, you helped build a company like Dewei. With someone who has that much industry experience, would I really use you as just an intern?”

I paused, then smiled in relief. I really had been going backward as I got older.

Of course I wasn’t a true intern. My classmates from the same year now held important positions at major financial institutions. I had all kinds of information and resources available to me.

Though my work in my own profession had been interrupted, I’d spent these years experiencing the full process of a company growing from nothing. None of that experience had been wasted.

With He Ziheng pulling up the seedlings to help them grow, I became a permanent employee as quickly as possible and took on substantial work in the core team.

When Xie Mingchen came to find me, he made an unbelievable show of it. Accompanied by the head of the investment banking division, he walked straight to my desk through a sea of curious looks.

He placed a hand on my shoulder with complete naturalness and introduced me to the division head.

“This is my business partner, and my girlfriend.”

I looked at Xie Mingchen, who seemed to have lost his memory. After struggling with myself, I still didn’t embarrass him in front of everyone.

I forced a smile and greeted the head of investment banking. In return, Xie Mingchen pushed his luck and pressed even closer.

He put a hand at my waist and leaned close to my ear, saying intimately, “Let’s have dinner tonight.”

My body stiffened in revulsion, but I couldn’t struggle.

14

“What do you mean by this?” In an empty hallway at the company, I stared at Xie Mingchen, furious.

“The company is preparing to go public. I came to say hello to the investment bankers.” Xie Mingchen’s gaze flickered, but he was still being stubborn.

“You know what I’m asking!”

Xie Mingchen’s voice dropped a little with guilt. “I never agreed to break up.”

“If there’s something wrong with your head, find somewhere to get it treated. Don’t come to me.” I couldn’t be bothered to argue. With that, I turned to leave.

“Isn’t marriage what you want?” Xie Mingchen called out. As though making some great resolution, he said loudly, “Then we’ll get married. Go back and get your household registration booklet right now. We’ll go to the civil affairs bureau this instant!”

I slowly turned back. Looking at the man before me, who seemed to think he was making an enormous concession, an intense sting filled my nose, and tears gradually blurred my vision.

How much had I looked forward to his proposal over the past seven years?

On a private account, I’d secretly followed many wedding-planning bloggers. Whenever I saw settings or decorations I liked, I’d save them, waiting until he proposed so they could be put to use.

I’d mention, seemingly casually, where some classmate was holding their wedding, secretly hoping he would ask one more question: What’s it like there? Should we hold ours there, too?

Whenever he suddenly asked me to go out, I’d prepare as though facing a great enemy, afraid he’d propose while I was dressed in something strange.

On special occasions like Qixi or my birthday, when the day ended at midnight, I’d always sigh inwardly: So he hadn’t prepared anything else after all.

Translator’s note: Qixi is the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, basically Chinese Valentine’s Day.

I’d kept waiting, until all my hope burned away and only ashes remained. Even when I had no choice but to leave, I’d merely accepted losing a wager I’d willingly made. I hadn’t felt wronged.

But at this moment, I was truly heartbroken.

So he’d known everything. He simply hadn’t given it to me.

Panic entered Xie Mingchen’s eyes. He came closer, clumsily trying to wipe away my tears. “Suisui, don’t cry.”

I turned my head away. I didn’t even want to look at him. Staring only at that pale, endless wall, I said each word distinctly:

“Xie Mingchen, if you feel even the slightest guilt toward me, please never appear in front of me again.”

15

After the scene Xie Mingchen made, gossip spread through the company.

I didn’t know whose instructions my colleagues in investment banking had received, or whether they simply found it convenient, but they started coming to our department every few days to talk to me about the preparations for his company’s listing.

After this happened repeatedly, rumors began circulating.

“I was wondering how she got promoted so quickly. Turns out she has connections.”

“She’s practically the boss’s wife at a company about to go public. Why come here and squeeze in? Can’t she leave a position for people without connections?”

“Watch what you say. Even the head of investment banking has to give her face. She might be above you tomorrow.”

Whenever I walked through the company, unfamiliar, inquisitive gazes landed on me.

Those rumors were an invisible net, brutally attributing all my efforts to an unspoken title, keeping me trapped forever in the net called Xie Mingchen.

For the first time, I wanted to sever every connection with him.

I emailed Xie Mingchen a share transfer agreement, offering to sell all my shares at a basic price.

His call came almost immediately. “You’re selling your stake? The company is about to go public, and you’re selling your stake?”

“If it’s acceptable, sign it. You won’t lose out. Also, please stop sending the investment banking contact to me about company matters.” I finished calmly and was about to hang up.

“Zhao Suisui!” Xie Mingchen was practically beside himself. “You raised this company with your own hands, too. You’re just abandoning it? Are you that desperate to draw a line between us?”

“The company won’t have anything to do with me anymore.” I paused. “Neither will you.”

After Xie Mingchen signed the contract with the investment banking division, I formally accepted He Ziheng’s offer and left with him for a renowned private equity firm.

When Xie Mingchen learned that he’d barely signed the contract with investment banking before I’d resigned, he was so angry that he called me more than ten times.

I simply blocked him, only emailing to urge him to cooperate and complete the share transfer promptly.

Xie Mingchen’s replies were a mess of little emotional essays. When I ignored them, he started forwarding articles about achieving financial freedom through going public, indirectly lecturing me on how stupid it was to rush into selling my shares before the listing.

Of course I knew that keeping the shares and selling at a high point after the company went public would bring the greatest profit. But even setting aside the fact that preparations for listing—from the securities firm’s advisory work to actual approval—would take at least a year, even after listing, original shareholders would have to wait at least three years before the lockup expired and they could sell.

Who knew how long my entanglement with Xie Mingchen would drag on? I had no patience to wait.

Besides, I’d returned to finance, an industry at the very top of the pyramid. Financial freedom was only ever a matter of time.

When Xie Mingchen refused to cooperate, I administered a stronger dose: I went straight to the company’s second-largest shareholder and asked whether he was interested in my shares.

The news soon reached Xie Mingchen. He called me from someone else’s number, his voice carrying a lifeless sorrow.

“Suisui, are you really going to join forces with outsiders against me?”

No one would refuse shares in a company about to go public, much less its second-largest shareholder. But if that happened, Xie Mingchen would very likely lose control of the company.

The company would also be drawn into infighting. At this critical point before listing, that certainly wouldn’t be good.

I was silent for a while, then said coldly:

“In any case, I’m leaving the company behind. If you don’t want the shares, plenty of people do. Think it over.”

Xie Mingchen’s breath caught. Even his voice trembled.

“Suisui, can’t you see how hard I’m trying to keep you? I disappointed you, but the company didn’t! It’s like a child we raised together. Could you stop doing this—cutting off your connections with me, one by one?”

“We don’t need any connections anymore.” I drew a deep breath and said coolly, “I’m willing to give you first priority on the shares. But it has to be now.”

19

The documents for the share transfer had to be filed with the tax bureau. We could actually have authorized the finance staff to handle it for us, but Xie Mingchen insisted that both parties go in person.

Thinking this would be the last time we met, I agreed.

Xie Mingchen arrived before me. Today, he wasn’t in a suit and polished shoes, only a somewhat worn white shirt stretched across his straight shoulders. His sleeves were rolled halfway up, exposing lean forearms. When the wind lifted the hem of his shirt, he looked even thinner.

From a distance, the outfit even gave him a boyish air at odds with his age. Only the loneliness plainly written on his face showed his dejection.

I walked over, and before I could say anything, he looked up as though he’d sensed something. Our eyes met across the distance.

For that instant, I almost thought it was seven years ago again, and he was waiting outside the classroom for my class to end.

My gaze passed over the half-burned cigarette in his hand. In the end, I said nothing unnecessary.

“Let’s go in.”

At the desk where we filled out the share transfer forms, Xie Mingchen ruined several copies, getting either the words or the numbers wrong. I had no choice but to push him aside, fill in the information myself, and sign.

He stood beside me, watching blankly, then suddenly said in a subdued voice, “This feels like we’re filing for divorce.”

I couldn’t be bothered to respond. I finished the forms, took the documents from his folder, and gave them to the clerk. After flipping through them, the clerk said impatiently that two documents were missing.

There were still people waiting behind us, so I had to pull Xie Mingchen outside first. At the entrance to the tax bureau, I said flatly:

“Call finance and have them bring the missing documents now.”

Xie Mingchen rubbed his nose and said awkwardly, “They’re away on business.”

“Xie Mingchen!” I finally lost my temper. “What exactly do you want?! Are you going to discover next that you forgot your ID? Or that your hand’s suddenly broken and you can’t sign? Is this amusing to you?”

Finance staff he paid hundreds of thousands a year couldn’t possibly make such a basic mistake. I couldn’t even be bothered to expose his little tricks.

Xie Mingchen lowered his head in embarrassment, then persisted stubbornly and unreasonably. “Do you really not love me at all anymore?”

Seeing me hesitate, he seized both my wrists and pulled my hands against his chest.

“But I still love you. The longer you’re gone, the more I realize I love you. What am I supposed to do? When my head hurts, I want you to pat my back. When I’m hungover, I want the soup you make. I miss you so much I’m going crazy. What am I supposed to do?”

He really was treating this as a divorce.

I pulled free of his hands, refused to engage with a single word, and said coldly:

“Go get the missing documents. I have work to do. Don’t waste my time.”

At that moment, despair appeared in Xie Mingchen’s eyes.

20

The truth was that I’d recognized his shirt at first glance today. It was the one I’d given him in college. I didn’t even know what forgotten corner he’d dug it out of.

It wasn’t that I felt absolutely nothing. I’d deliberately ignored it because I didn’t want to give him an opening.

But in the end, those little gestures still affected my mood.

What could ease sorrow? Only work.

After changing jobs with He Ziheng, the workload was even more intense than before. A private equity firm didn’t just research listed companies in the secondary market. It also had to seek out promising companies in the primary market and invest early, hoping to profit when they went public in the future.

I was adapting to work in the primary market as quickly as possible when He Ziheng told me something that left me not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

The boss was interested in Dewei and wanted a share of the pie before it went public.

I’d deliberately kept my former relationship with Xie Mingchen from the company, but I couldn’t leave five years blank on my résumé. It listed the positions I’d previously held at his company.

If the boss was interested in Dewei, my résumé undoubtedly made me the ideal candidate.

I practically had no reason to refuse.

“If you mind, I’ll find another reason to turn it down with the boss.” He Ziheng said that, but there was difficulty in his eyes.

I knew very well that both he and I needed to achieve something at our new company. This wasn’t the time to put on airs with the boss.

“It’s fine.” I smiled. “If I do Dewei’s due diligence… it really will be faster than having someone else do it.”

Everyone there knew me, after all.

Even during the due diligence interviews with Dewei’s executives, several addressed me as Director Zhao the moment they opened their mouths. The interviews turned into something resembling work reports.

Suppressing my embarrassment, I asked all the necessary questions in my role as an investigator for a private equity firm.

The last of those interviews was with the HR director, who’d worked with me the longest. Apart from our working relationship, we were actually quite friendly in private.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t have dared to act on my instructions back then, bypassing Xie Mingchen and directly firing his assistant.

Unfortunately, throughout the meeting, she never properly acknowledged that this was a serious due diligence interview. Instead, she earnestly told me how wrong Xie Mingchen’s state at work had been lately. The man who used to devote himself entirely to work was now often impossible for even his secretary to find. Recently, he’d also clashed with a client and lost one of the company’s major accounts.

I recorded each piece of key information that would directly affect the company’s valuation, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her “persuasion.”

As for that lost major client, I could have figured out with my feet that it was Lin Zhao… All the effort I’d previously put into maintaining that relationship had gone to waste.

After speaking to all the executives, there was still one unavoidable CEO to face.

I’d been to Xie Mingchen’s office countless times. We’d worked late into the night here, arguing endlessly over some detail of a product’s design.

This was a place I’d fought for. I sincerely hoped it could grow well.

So even though transferring my shares to someone else could have brought a better price earlier, I’d never considered letting the company change hands.

Because neither the investor who held the second-largest stake nor the restless technical director would consider the company’s interests as thoroughly or as purely as Xie Mingchen.

He was Dewei’s best helmsman—provided he didn’t go and stir up trouble.

Following procedure, I asked Xie Mingchen about the disputed information.

“President Xie, regarding the termination of the company’s cooperation with the Lin Group, do you have a reasonable explanation?”

Xie Mingchen’s expression turned cold. “He had designs on you. Isn’t that enough?”

I took a deep breath. In the end, I suppressed my irritation and chose to keep my mouth shut, merely writing an accurate note in my notebook: The company head is highly emotional in personal matters, creating instability in his actions and potential risk to the company’s development.

After asking all the necessary questions, I put away my notebook and stood to leave.

Xie Mingchen followed and caught my hand. “Suisui, can we talk a little more?”

The blinds on the office’s translucent glass walls weren’t closed. Who knew how many pairs of eyes outside were glancing in, deliberately or otherwise?

I had no desire to tug back and forth with him. I did my best to maintain the dignity of an interview.

I pulled my hand free and didn’t sit down again. “Go ahead.”

Xie Mingchen could only stand there and speak to me.

“Suisui, I’ve been so happy seeing you at the company these past few days. When you’re in meetings with them, I can’t help walking past the conference room over and over, just to see you one more time. For a few moments, I almost thought we’d gone back to the past, when you patiently handled all those interpersonal relationships I couldn’t be bothered with. I couldn’t help thinking: if you hadn’t come to build the company with me, if you’d gone into the career you have now, you’d probably have been amazing at it, wouldn’t you? But without you, I couldn’t have come this far…”

I interrupted him.

“I’ve never regretted the past. Starting a business is a nine-deaths-and-one-life affair. Since we succeeded, we both gained something. I got what I deserved, and I hope you get what you want, too… The company still has a long road ahead. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

He tried to say something else. His eyes were heavy with emotion, a depth of feeling I no longer wanted to receive.

Thank heavens, my phone rang.

The salesperson at the dealership where I’d bought my car had booked a service appointment for me and was asking when I’d arrive.

“Right away.” Without hanging up, I hurried out of his office.

21

On the way to the dealership, my phone kept ringing. I didn’t need to look to know it was Xie Mingchen.

After I rejected the call, a text appeared. “Could you let me finish what I was saying?”

No.

I looked away and drove a little faster.

Only when I stopped at a red light did I notice Xie Mingchen’s car behind me.

He followed me all the way to the dealership.

The salesperson took my keys, explained the service work, and led me to the waiting room.

Passing through the main hall, I happened to glance at a figure at another workstation. Suddenly, I remembered where this was.

There really was no story without coincidence.

Before I even needed to point it out, Xie Mingchen, hurrying through the hall toward me, was conspicuous enough to attract a certain person’s attention.

Sure enough, before he reached me, a delighted, surprised voice stopped him. “President Xie!”

With her backer here, how could Chen Cheng still care about work? She dropped the paperwork and came running. “You finally came to see me!”

Xie Mingchen stood there looking embarrassed, then hastily stepped back twice as though desperate to avoid her. His panicked gaze darted toward me.

Watching this fine show from a distance, I gave a scornful laugh and followed the salesperson into the VIP lounge.

Xie Mingchen couldn’t get into the lounge. But once the service was finished, he was already waiting beside my car.

Rubbing between his brows, he said helplessly:

“You already knew she was here? I know you must have misunderstood. I only arranged a job for her. There’s nothing else.”

I smiled indifferently. “Do as you please.”

He put a hand on the car door, stopping me from getting in.

“Could you let me finish? Could you give me a chance to explain?”

People were coming and going through the dealership. I didn’t want to act out a television drama with him there, so I had no choice but to let him into the car first and say his fill.

In the enclosed space, his voice trembled slightly.

“I was only a little nicer to her because… she reminded me of how you used to be.”

I scoffed. “Please don’t insult me.”

“She’s like you before you were hurt! I failed to protect you. I imagined making up for it through her. I always failed to protect you. I always sacrificed you. But do you think I felt good about it?! Do you think I slept for a single minute after agreeing to let you go sign that contract with Lin Zhao? Do you think it didn’t hurt me to see you work yourself into the hospital with stomach bleeding? Do you think I didn’t feel useless when that bastard pointed at your nose and berated you, and you were forced to withdraw from running the company?

“Why couldn’t you give me a little more time? I was going to marry you. I only wanted to wait until I was a little more capable!”

His eyes were red, and he shouted until his voice was hoarse, as though he were the one who’d been wronged.

But what kind of damned logic was that? He owed me, compensated someone else, and still thought himself devoted?

I pushed away the hand holding mine and slapped the steering wheel.

“What a high-sounding excuse for tiring of the old and chasing the new. Are you pretty moved by yourself? You feel guilty? Then what did you do for me? Did you comfort me? Did you apologize? You did nothing. You only cowardly avoided everything that made you feel guilty, including me.

“Admit it, Xie Mingchen. You don’t love me anymore. You’re only keeping this going out of a sense of responsibility. Why should I wait for you to dryly fulfill an obligation?

“Don’t I deserve a love as passionate as it was in the beginning? Don’t I deserve to be properly loved?

“Why should I cooperate with the script of the wife who shared your hardships? More laughably, I’m not even a ‘wife.’

“Don’t talk to me about regret. What obligation do I have to stay where I am and wait for you to regret it?!”

My words left Xie Mingchen speechless. He looked at me in bewilderment, wounded as though I’d stabbed him. His fingers clutched the seat cushion unwillingly, stubbornly and inexplicably persisting in this confrontation when its time had long passed.

He’d stirred up my emotions, and I wanted to keep cursing him. But an accidental glance in the rearview mirror showed me the girl standing by the roadside, hesitantly and expectantly looking our way. All at once, it felt utterly pointless.

I took a deep breath and ended this nonsense with one final warning.

“Keep that thing somewhere else. Don’t put her here to disgust me.”

22

I submitted the due diligence report through the normal process. The boss praised its thoroughness, then there was no further word. He’d probably weighed everything and decided against proceeding with the investment.

The next time I saw Xie Mingchen was at our university classmates’ wedding. The bride was close to me, and the groom was like a brother to him. There was no avoiding this meeting.

The bride and I had similar tastes. Even when buying clothes, she liked to ask my advice, never mind planning a wedding. From the color of the ribbons to the style of the wrist corsages, she asked me which to choose.

Since I had no use for them myself anyway, I sent her all the wedding settings and decoration pictures I’d saved in the past. After she’d combined them in her planning, the final wedding reception looked almost exactly as I’d once imagined mine would.

Xie Mingchen had originally been seated at another table far away from me. But at some point, he’d traded places with someone and moved beside me.

I didn’t deliberately avoid his deliberate approach. At someone else’s wedding, there was no need for us to add drama.

He didn’t speak after sitting beside me, either. We’d exhausted every kind and cruel word between us. We had nothing left.

His gaze kept drifting toward me, almost imperceptibly. I didn’t know what he was looking at or thinking.

But for me, sitting below the stage at that moment, watching the bride’s father place her hand in the groom’s, then watching them link arms and walk along the pure white carpet, surrounded by flowers, toward the central stage—I did feel regret.

I’d loved someone with everything I had, then left utterly depleted. “I took the wager, so I accept the loss” sounded so free and decisive. But how could I tell outsiders about the long, dull ache that twisted and turned beneath those words?

At the end of the ceremony, the host asked whom the bride would give her bouquet to.

Smiling, the bride said my name. Her voice trembled slightly. “I have a friend whose happiness I wish for especially.”

Her gentle gaze settled on me alone, never shifting even the slightest bit toward Xie Mingchen beside me.

I thought I should do the same.

After the wedding, I left holding the bouquet, wrapped in white gauze and still wet with dew. Faintly, someone behind me called my name. But I knew I wouldn’t stop again.

(The End)